10 Tips to Banish Your Public Speaking Fear for Good

Posted on August 26th, 2009 by Keith Ferrazzi

keithspeakingLast week’s “Three Steps to Kick Social Anxiety” broke traffic records here. No doubt about it: Meeting new people puts us out of our comfort zone! You guys had a lot to say about public speaking. In fact, there were so many good tips in the comments, many from professional coaches, that I’ve used them to create this new post. (Most of the responses are edited down, rather than verbatim.) Thanks all for the great input!

1. Practice, practice and practice. Most nerves develop when we think we won’t come across as credible to our audience. The more you practice, the more comfortable you will be with your program, the less nervous you will be.  Janet Boulter

2. Home field advantage: Examine your current affiliations and see if there is a group that you are very comfortable in and start speaking there first. Josh Phanco

3. Control for quality: Focus more on content and less on delivery. Chad Brue

4. Do your wee ones a favor: Parents can help their kids grow up with comfort in public speaking by looking for and creating opportunities. Church, scouting, various clubs, drama, debate all can give these opportunities. Or you can create them in your own family and in gatherings with friends and relatives, where children are given experiences to contribute, to share a thought, give a little speech, act in a skit, etc. (An opportunity for practice for you as well!) Jeff Lindsay

5. Put your audience first. It's not about you, it's about them - so quit your worrying and focus on how your speech is going to improve their lives, even just a little. (NOTE: The community spoke! I originally included a reader's recommendation of the beta blocker Propranolol in this list, but have removed it after taking to heart the concern of many KF.com readers.)

6. Ipod to the rescue: Listen to a few kick ass songs to get you into your groove. If your body isn’t moving and you’re not singing… then find better songs. Matt

7. Remember the Force: See yourself as connected to everyone and everything. Martial Arts teaches students that all is one. That means when you address that “scary sea of faces” you should see them as exactly the same as you, because guess what – they are! David Portney

8. Mental buddy-up: Imagine yourself some time in the future, hugging the people in the crowd, as though they were long lost family. Or imagine them after the talk, approaching you and telling you how positively the message affected them.

9. Share the love: Just before walking to the podium, look into the eyes of as many people in the room as you can. Project every ounce of your being into the thought that they are going to love your message. (And make sure your content delivers on that promise!)

10. Use a positive mantra. Rather than thinking negative thoughts like “don’t screw up” or “what if I forget what I want to say?”repeat a positive mantra as a means of boosting confidence and focusing on the audience. Find a mantra that is personally meaningful and believable. It could be a song title (Aretha Franklin’s “RESPECT” comes to mind), a line from a poem or anything that makes you feel powerful and confident. And it has to be strong enough to drown out the negative, “Joy-Sucker” voice in your head that undermines their confidence and makes you less able to convey their knowledge and experience to the audience. My personal mantra is “You go, girl!” (accompanied by a mental fist in the air). Gilda Bonanno

Take a minute to develop your personal pre-speech mantra - and share it here!

Photo courtesy the Experient e4 Blog.

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42 Responses so far | Have Your Say!

  1. Hi Keith, thanks for this post.

    As a professional speaker, I would add:

    11) Quantity before quality: keep presenting, presenting, presenting and let you own natural style develop;

    12) Before presenting ask yourself, how can I add value to this audience right now ? (this takes the focus off you and on them);

    13) Get video feedback - watch yourself on video and correct annoying habits;

    14) Trust that your own natural style will develop - let the real you through - maximize your own unique style e.g. use of theatrics, posture etc (it took 500 paid presentations before I felt totally at home presenting);

    15) get professional help - especially from people who's main income depends on presenting professionally;

    16) watch professionals either live or on video and become aware of how they command attention, use charisma etc

    Best, Robin

  2. Great tips, as a speaker it's easy to think it's all about you, which in turn can either make you extremely nervous, or worse, egotistical.
    I found this in a book several years ago, and I repeat it before I go on stage, it speaks to my highest aspirations for myself, and my deepest yearnings for my audience:

    "I pray that when the time comes, and all eyes and ears turn my way, that somehow -- despite my shortcomings - I become an instrument of grace. Let the light flow through me."

    That and listening to a few verses of Dancin' Queen from ABBA on my iPod, and I'm ready to rock the house.

    Lisa Earle McLeod
    (former class clown turned professional speaker)

  3. I don't always agree with Practice, Practice, Practice. You DO have to know your stuff and what you are going to say; but, sometimes the more you practice, the more a flub can screw you up. Be flexible.

    Finally, before a presentation, keep yourself in the present. Meaning, don't focus on how you look, or who is in the audience. That creates anxiety. Focus on what you are going to say and how great you will say it.

  4. As a member of Toastmasters International I have learned a lot about public speaking, and the most powerful lesson I learned, and the thing I would like to share the most is When you are speaking, you are teh master of your own destiny. You are the expert on whatever you are speaking on, you were asked to speak for this very reason. The audience does not know what you are going to say, so never apologize. Never apologize for saying something that isnt perfect. Never apologize for your nervousness. Never apologize for using notes.

    The other lesson is that there is always a ringer or a heckler in the crowd, someone who thinks they know more or are smarter. Learn to difuse the situation. I am constantly trying to teach this to high school and college kids. Most of the audience s generally supportive and really wants to learn from the speaker and wants the speaker to succeed. Most of the audience will see the ringer or heckler for what they are as long as the situation is handled properly.

    BTW if anyone is interested in Toastmasters International, I would be happy to help.

  5. I always remind myself that, with extremely rare exceptions, I know much more about my subject matter than anyone else in the room. I recognize the fact that everyone in the audience wants me to succeed. No one wants to hear a boring or bad speech. Finally, I renew my belief that what I have to say will change any leader and any organization for the better, beginning the very next day. Then I go out and wow 'em.

  6. Pre-speech mantra which I have always used and advocated is simply:
    "You are the right person in the right place at the right time. No one else can do this but you." ...followed by a deep breath and a smile.

  7. Great ideas here. I typically do three things: practice, practice, practice so what I want to say becomes conversational; know that I'm not the only expert in the room so I'm open to the possibility that there will be comments, different perspectives, different experiences from the audience - this takes alot of pressure off of me; and finally, I always say to myself before stepping out - "Ok - it's showtime" which always give me that little lift into the limelight that allows me to fully give it my all. Public speaking is really fun - and a remarkably powerful experience to hear my voice and my thoughts projecting out into the world!

  8. I tend to not be able to say no to things... so I get handed a paper often to read aloud in groups or end up having to address the room at councils and committee meetings. Someone I looked up to a lot taught me phrase that seems to work well for me, as silly as it may sound. He told me sometimes you just need to be a big brave dog! So I now find myself when I'm about to enter into a situation that makes me nervous our I feel my anxiety levels rising... I repeat to myself over and over...."I'm a big brave dog, I'm a big brave dog". I've found it gives me that self assurance that I need and I can then face the group and say what I need to say.

  9. I am also member of Toastmasters International.
    Over the last 4 years -my experience in Toastmasters has made a significant impact on my attitude and confidence level toward "public speaking".

    My tip to add is be sure to speak from your heart

    I am concerned with the tip to take meds. Any med can have unintended side effects.

  10. To expand on Lisa's point, Toastmasters International is essential to anyone who wants to be a better speaker.

    There are three ways that Toastmasters helps you improve:

    1. Practice. Speakers have a forum to make presentations on a variety of topics in a supportive environmnet. The Toastmasters program provides the opportunity to give different types of speeches from persuasive to informative. Material is provided to assist you in learning how to be an effective communicator.

    2. Your speeches are evaluated by supportive members who are looking to help you improve. Feedback is given in a constructive, non-threatening way. Plus, when evaluating other speakers, the Toastmaster is able to pick up tips that can help his own repertoire.

    3. Finally, Toastmaster speakers are at times asked to speak impromtu. This helps the speaker learn to think on his feet and organize thoughts on the fly.

    I have learned much at Toastmasters and am a better speaker for it.

  11. I agree with the positive visualization tips. I had to give a big presentation to a Fortune 50 company on the west coast last week. I used the plane ride to focus (and admittedly fantasize) about delivering the speech successfully and with the right levels of passion and authority. I pictured the audience being receptive, interested and appreciative. The fears about the unknowns kept creeping in - worrying about the room set up, the audio-visual stuff, the cameras (it was also being recorded for a webcast) and the usual worry about forgetting some of the content, etc. But I tried to remember that no one in the audience knew what I was going to say, so they could not know if I left something out. Other valuable advice I had received was to never apologize for any part of the presentation. They were expecting a professional to show up and by my believing in a positive and successful outcome, they were not disappointed.

  12. These are all great suggestions.

    My suggestion is to focus on your audience rather than your feelings. What can you give them? How do they benefit from your presentation? Act like they are your friends and you want to help them.

    It is a Law of Nature that when you give, you receive. In this case, it will help calm (and possibly make you more enthusiastic!) knowing that you are helping someone else.

  13. Personal mantra: "Nice and Easy"
    Mental image: Taming a fresh horse in the corral like the "horse whisperer".

  14. Great Post!

    I would add: - Remembering High School Math - Find the lowest common denominator- the binding element of your audience and you. Use that as the foundation for your speech and presentation. That will force you to speak with your audience and not at your audience. Remember that the audience is attending because they want to be part of the event, the speech or the presentation. They want you to present well. Don't waste that common energy. Use it to your advantage.

  15. Javier Lopez says:
    August 26, 2009 at 6:23 am
    Reply

    Personal Mantra: Pa'Lante Siempre! "Always forward."
    Thanks for the tips. Public speaking has been my Aquiles heel.

  16. Ronald Lazor says:
    August 26, 2009 at 6:41 am
    Reply

    Maybe I have a different idea - I suggest your fear of public speaking will never die until you do as well. Stop fighting it, plan for it, harness the energy, control the outward nervous signs and ride the wave. Armed for the unexpected and tested by experience, I found nothing more exciting than going to the edge of my comfort zone, then jumping. Join a Toastmaster Club and go to your edge in a supportive environment.

  17. The #1 secret for reluctant speakers is: It's about the AUDIENCE, not you.
    When you can keep the audience foremost in mind, you can develop a speech that shares your expertise, but in a way that THEY can absorb. It also takes the focus off you, which is important if you are to be a servant leader.

  18. Darrell Risley says:
    August 26, 2009 at 6:48 am
    Reply

    Personal Mantra:
    I'm here because someone believes in me. Make'em proud!

  19. I've been speaking in front of people forever so you would think I would be past getting nervous. However, I get nervous whenever I speak on topics where I lack confidence in my knowledge of the topic. Notice that it's the confidence that throws me not my actual knowledge of the topic.

    When I am speaking about looking for work or writing resumes (I blog on that topic at http://www.CareerJockey.org so I know that topic cold), social media marketing which is another topic I know well, or in teaching computer science classes at the college level, it's smooth sailing. It's when I'm dipping my toe in a new topic that things get hairy for me. I get a case of the "Ums." I stutter. I have a very hard time getting into the groove.

    So when I take on new topics (and I find I have to do this frequently), I prepare as well as I can, stay closer to my script than I might otherwise and mentally prepare for responding to questions with a simple, "I'll have to get back to you." Acknowledging that I am human and less than perfect is a big help to me in overcoming this fear and presenting effectively.

  20. Thanks for the great piece on overcoming our fear of public speaking. Very valuable information. On point number 2 (home field advantage), treat your speaking opportunity as if you were in your home and your audience as your guests in your home. Mentally say to yourself, "This is my house and I will enhance the experience of my guests with the information I will share." An excellent resource for this is http://tinyurl.com/7fkt5c.

  21. I agree with Ronald. We usually try to resist the fear but instead we should welcome the fear, feel the fear then go for it anyway. The Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin has really helped me deal with my fear of public speaking or any scary situation.

    Here is more information on it:
    http://www.sedona.com/html/Sample-Of-Process.aspx

    I hope this is helpful.

  22. Two main points to share.

    Robin Dickinson (first commenter) added his #12 - Focus On How You Can Help The Audience/How Can You Add Value, and for a scaredy-cat of speaking this has always been what has worked best for me.

    And I must be honest and say that I don't agree with #5, and am a bit surprised to see it up there. I think it is sad that this was actually shared: a sign of our quick-fix, pop a pill culture. This should be a LAST resort for someone who has an actual anxiety disorder and a prescription. Otherwise, consider another way to build relationships.

    To end on a good note though, I appreciate the posts and tips and think you are helping a lot of people. Thanks.

  23. Keith,

    I'm very concerned that you included tip #5 which encourages taking Propranolol. This is the drug that the LA County Coroner’s office has concluded to be one of the drugs that caused Michael Jackson's death.

    PROPANOLOL can not only cause death outside of a medically monitored environment like a hospital or clinic; but also it has numerous side effects even w/o mixing it with other drugs.
    In a Google search, you’ll find a plethora of articles.

    Please consider removing it from your list as it appears you endorse its' use.

    Thank you.

  24. As a person who helps people overcome fears and other negative feelings there is one tip I'd like to offer. When a person has a fear of speaking they have a negative association they keep attaching to the idea of speaking. Thinking of a specific positive experience, any kind at all, and getting in touch with where you were, if there were sounds around you, if there was something you were saying to yourself, and really get into the positive feeling. Then from that positive feeling space imagine yourself successfully doing your next speech.

  25. I think the comment we keep hearing again and again, for good reason is, THINK ABOUT YOUR AUDIENCE FIRST. It's the same focus on generosity that got me over my discomfort with networking in general. Focusing on helping others takes you outside of yourself - connects you David's "the one."

    Re Beta blockers: I figured including this would be controversial, but since it works for some people, decided was worth mentioning. I agree with the person who said "drugs as a LAST resort" - beta blockers aren't a long-term cure for the underlying anxiety. There are better ways, which are being explored pretty thoroughly in this post/comment section. Thanks all!

    LA, thanks for the specific info/caution on Propanolol. But any drug can be abused - doesn't make it dangerous in all situations. Of course, no one should take drugs without consultation and oversight of their physician (and avoid MJ's doc!). And again, last resort here. I'm throwing this in the mix, not endorsing it as the go-to solution for stage fright.

    But I'll let you all speak: Should I pull Propanolol from the list? This tends to be an area where people have strong feelings, one way or the other....

  26. Jerome A. Johnson says:
    August 26, 2009 at 12:11 pm
    Reply

    Personally, I use prescription drugs to treat an illness diagnosed by a physician. I suppose that the use of Propanolol in an appropriate dosage to control extreme physical symptoms of anxiety might be classified as a treatment for an illness, but I'm not qualified to say so. I'd be in favor of removing it from the list. I was uncomfortable seeing it there. We have so many other great suggestions listed above. Surely, one or more of them will be helpful to most everyone.

  27. Pull it. It sends the wrong message!

  28. Sharon Richmond says:
    August 26, 2009 at 12:52 pm
    Reply

    I would remove it, too. I would mention that people with severe reactions might consult someone for medical solutions.

    My personal solution - stand still, feel my feet on the floor, take a slow deep breath, exhale, smile to the audience, and begin. I agree with *find your natural style, and *focus on your audience and why they are listening to you (what they've come to hear or learn).

    One other tip that I rely on - prepare my "close." Having a clear destination rehearsed helps me relax during the talk - I know where I am going and how I will end - and when I do as planned, it enhances my confidence in my speaking skills. A virtuous cycle, if ever there was one!

  29. I've found that when I do sales meetings or speak for volunteer opportunities I try and let the message do the talking, I just have to be responsible to the message I'm saying. For me, it's a basic way to stay grounded so I stay in the game. If they like the message then they like me, so I try to say it in such a way that they'll like the message i'm communicating (product, service or an idea).

  30. Thanks for all of the great tips.

    I enjoy public speaking (the rush of it all). I used to participate in Toastmasters also. What are some other ways to get more practice in? Where can people find venues to speak voluntarily?

    Thanks.

    Daphne R.

  31. Stephanie F. says:
    August 26, 2009 at 4:19 pm
    Reply

    I know it's a bit silly but the mantra that helps me the most comes from Stuart Smalley of Saturday Night Live fame: "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And, doggone it, people like me." It always makes me smile and that inevitably calms me.

  32. The best tip I ever got was to train yourself to take a breath whenever you feel the urge to say UMM or ERR. To the audience it appears that you're pausing for thought. The mark of really good presenters is the natural flow of speech, without "Umm", "Err" or "Y'know like". My "speaker" role models are guys like Gore Vidal and Norman Mailer who spoke in paragraphs and made compelling points in interviews. No mumbling or uncertainty there.

  33. I'm going to jump on the Toastmaster's bandwagon here, too. That one organization did more for my public speaking abilities than anything else I've done. While I'm not currently a member, due to other commitments (many of which I never would have taken on were it not for my Toastmasters training), I still can't speak highly enough for what they do for public speaking (and leadership) development. And it all goes toward your first point, of Practice. So important, just getting some time in doing this. And for me, #4 - kids/social speaking experiences are also a great training ground for developing these skills.

  34. I have a whole list of mantras - positive affirmations - that I read to myself several times before getting up to speak. Additionally, as I am on my way to the event where I'll be speaking, I visualize the people in the audience smiling, nodding their heads, and coming up to me afterwards to say how much they enjoyed the talk. Both of these activities help to calm my nerves and boost my confidence.

  35. Many years ago I took a job at one of the top Business Schools in the country. I dropped out of college because I was terrified to speak in front of a group. However, now, I had to address 300+ newly admitted MBAs . . . I told the Dean I couldn't do it - he said, "Sure you can. Just take off your glasses and everything will be a blur - that way you can concentrate on what you are talking about." Never had a problem since then and never looked back.

  36. Lisa:

    You make a very good point about hecklers. The late Ed Koch, former mayor of New York City, used to look for the hecklers when he was speaking to a group. His thought was that by taking them on directly, it would make him a better speaker. It always prepared him for the next time one came up. Sort of like a boxer who gets hit with a punhche didn't expect.

    Tim

  37. The mantra I started using years ago when I started speaking and was so anxious was "I am here to love you and to share myself with you."

  38. Wow, what a great collection of confidence-boosting mantras people have shared here! I've listed them out, so you can benefit from others' wisdom and be inspired to create your own. (Your mantra is a positive thought that you repeat to yourself before you speak to a group in order to calm your nerves, boost your confidence and focus on your audience. )

    Thanks to Keith for encouraging this discussion!

    Your Mantras
    “I pray that when the time comes, and all eyes and ears turn my way, that somehow — despite my shortcomings – I become an instrument of grace. Let the light flow through me.” Lisa Earle McLeod

    “You are the right person in the right place at the right time. No one else can do this but you.” Rence Hefler

    “Ok – it’s showtime." Theresa

    ”I’m a big brave dog, I’m a big brave dog.” Bridget Laszlo

    “Nice and Easy.” Becky Walen

    " Pa’Lante Siempre! Always forward.” Javier Lopez

    "I’m here because someone believes in me. Make’em proud." Darrell Risley

    “This is my house and I will enhance the experience of my guests with the information I will share." Ed Sykes

    “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And, doggone it, people like me.” Stephanie F (courtesy of Stuart Smalley of Saturday Night Live fame

    “I am here to love you and to share myself with you.” Sandra Zimmer

  39. haha..listen to your ipod when you're afraid to speak in front..never though of that!

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