According to a survey conducted by U.S. Senator Robert Menendez (D-NJ) in 2010, approximately 18% of corporate directors are women and 14.5% are minorities. To put this into perspective, the number of women and minorities on corporate boards is less than half what would be expected based on their proportion of the general population.
The fact that there is a discrepancy is indisputable, but the reason for the shortfall is not so clear. Is it blatant discrimination, or is there something else at work here? The answer is probably a combination of both.
I have worked with many women and minorities in my executive coaching business and I have found that when they apply the principles of perception, visibility, and influence—what I refer to as the PVI model—they are able to advance their careers faster and further than they previously thought possible. They do this by earning the respect of their colleagues and bosses, becoming known throughout the company as someone who can be depended on to solve problems and deliver quality work, and learning how to exert their influence at all levels of the organization.
Many of the challenges faced by women and minorities in the workplace can be attributed to cultural differences and differences in the way boys and girls are raised. These challenges can be overcome if you are aware of them and adapt your behavior to change the way you are perceived.
Here are three challenges women and minorities might face, along with strategies you can use to overcome them. Read more →
Controversial was right: Thank you to the 80+ readers who responded on the blog to my question about your level of comfort and success blending your personal and professional lives.
Most of you spoke enthusiastically to being “one self” at work and at home, and listed the many benefits of doing so – with a canny awareness for the need to set both personal and professional boundaries.
But I’m more interested right now in pulling the contras into the spotlight. Here’s four that I think are representative of the very real challenges and fears that can come with blending:
Hostile/Competitive Workplace: “My coworkers would use anything they could learn about you to screw you and your career. You are talking idealistic nonsense… My coworkers [at a large white collar office were the education level is graduate level or higher] are the enemy. That is the real world in private industry. Most people do not work in Disney Land. And never help out a fellow employee. That shows you are weak and a loser.” – Albert
Worry about Getting Stuck on the Mommy Track: “When my children were small, I occasionally needed to take time off to attend school functions or to care for them, if they were ill. The problem is that this is how women end up on the ‘Mommy Track.’ In addition, discussing one's personal life at work is (seen as) unprofessional. If I had it to do over, I would have kept my mouth shut and just used my own vacation or sick days, without letting anyone know why.” – Karen Read more →
Good news folks: You’ve got an “empathy hormone,” and you can control it with the sheer power of your thoughts. Science has proven it.
The hormone oxytocin plays a key role in influencing our ability to establish trust, act with generosity, and perceive others’ feelings. Research has shown that oxytocin reduces anxiety during public speaking tests – not surprising, given that it lowers blood pressure and stress hormone levels. During childbirth and breastfeeding, mothers produce more of it – nature’s way of making sure that they bond with their babies.
But what’s really exciting about oxytocin is that you can train your body to release it. There are several ways to do this, which I outline below, but one of the easiest is to flood your head with images and thoughts of someone you love.
Take my client, Paul. Every week, he dreaded his team meeting – conflict, drama, and resistance to critical feedback from his colleagues pretty much guaranteed an anxious experience. Then he decided to try priming himself before a meeting with an “oxytocin booster.” He took a few deep breaths and got lost in thoughts about his girlfriend, and the mental snapshots of the time they spent together on a recent New Mexico trip.
He felt the results immediately – instead of dreading contact with his colleagues, he found himself starting an open conversation about their current work challenges, with genuine curiosity. He was shocked: one coworker let down his guard to reveal the real problems behind his project; another listened openly to Paul’s ideas. Paul could trace the shift in the meeting to the tone he had started it with—the warmth, care, and empathy combining to transform the atmosphere.
Here are five ways that scientists have shown that you, too, can get the empathy juice flowing to improve all your upcoming interactions:
Daydream about your significant other. Before you approach a stressful social situation, make like Paul and think about your most supportive relationships and connect to the feelings of positivity associated with them.
Hug someone you care about. Make contact with someone who makes you feel really good, and set your mind to transfer good feeling to someone with whom you are developing a relationship. That contact has been clinically shown to increase oxytocin levels, and the oxytocin will give you confidence and a brighter outlook.
Spend a few minutes with a beloved pet. Making contact with pets has also been shown to generate oxytocin. Use this to improve your ability to relate with generosity and to create more mutually fruitful relationships.
Listen to your favorite music. Stimuli for all the senses—even smells—can boost oxytocin levels to prepare you to interact with more elegance.
Get down, make love. If the researchers say to do it, and you have the flexibility (and the partner) to schedule it around important meetings, who’s to argue?
Try one of these out before your next meeting, or any interaction that tends to be stressful. This is great stuff to prep you for meeting new people, too. Do it before a networking event and maybe you’ll even be able to skip that cocktail that provides your usual social lubricant. Go try it!
Have you tried and had good results with any of these?
See me explain how to get over your fear of approval (or lack thereof) when sharing your goals. Finding a process that helps you look inward instead of outward gives you the confidence you need.
Are you hesitant or gung-ho when it comes to sharing your goals?
You guys seemed to like the mission I gave you last week to renew a lapsed relationship. But someone asked this question on the blog, and since people ask it a lot I’m addressing it here:
I’ve been thinking about reaching out to the head of my old group for quite a while. I would love to use him as a reference in the future, but hate the thought of calling someone up under the pretense of reconnecting, only to ask for a favor in the same breath. Any tips on what to say or how to approach this conversation?
If you’ve read Never Eat Alone, you’re familiar with my recommendation to “build it before you need it” – to make sure that your network is strong and well fed with generosity so that it is a ready resource when the time comes to tap into it for help.
But what do you do it you haven’t built it and you need it, now?
If the relationship was never strong, then you may be SOL. But if it was once strong, and you’ve just dropped the ball, then I recommend being really upfront about what you need. At the same time, make it clear that it’s equally important to you to renew your relationship.
You might say something like, "I'll be honest, your name came up in my head because I'm going to be needing references soon, so I got to thinking about the people I had great working relationships with. My thoughts went to you immediately, and I realized it’s been far too long. Could I take you to coffee to catch up, or give you a call? I’m making some changes in my career and I’d love your advice on ….x."
Everyone has an agenda – in fact, most of us have many agendas. The key is to not pretend otherwise. That's a recipe for making people feel used rather than needed.
I met Caroline Donahue, a writer, blogger, photographer, and coach, at a keynote I did recently in Los Angeles. She has her own coaching practice, Remabulous Coaching, and has written for Conscious Bookkeeping, Web Marketing Therapy, and was Social Media Director for Book Soup. She can be found at her own site carolinedonahue.com. Her post here today is on one of my favorite topic’s: Overcoming conflict avoidance. -KF
You’re Not Being the “Bigger Person” by Letting It Go – Here’s Why
Caroline Donahue
How may times have you backed away slowly – or outright ran – from a potential conflict at work because you thought you were doing the other person a favor? Meanwhile, you’re a little tenser, a little less eager to connect with this colleague, or even this boss. But it’s the best thing to do, isn’t it? You know relationships at work are important and you need to avoid awkward conversations to keep them healthy, right?
Wrong. Despite the fact that most people think that letting something slide is the decent thing to do, it’s ultimately damaging to the relationship.
The Research
John Gottman, PhD is an expert in relationships. He can predict whether a marriage will succeed or fail with 90% accuracy, just by observing the two partners interact. During his time as Professor Emeritus at the University of Washington, he has even extended this range to 81% over 7 to 9 years of marriage.
What makes the difference for long-term success in a relationship? Gottman has broken interactions people have into three types: turning toward, turning against, and turning away.
What does this mean? Turning toward, you collaborate and connect. Turning against, you argue or snap at each other. Turning away, you simply ignore the problem… or each other.
Most of us conduct our working relationships trying to turn towards each other. This is easy when everyone is getting along. But what do you do when you don’t agree or you’re unsettled by something going on with a co-worker or superior? Just look the other way and hope it passes?
Gottman found that, contrary to what me might think, conflict was not what resulted in the ending of a relationship. Turning away was far more damaging and the main predictor of a relationship that would end in divorce. As Gottman learned : fight can keep you from flight!
Why is this? Because people are more likely to stay in a relationship and continue to build it when there is consistent interaction, even if that interaction is negative.
Every time you avoid bringing up a concern with someone at work, you are missing an opportunity to build the relationship. It is better to share your thoughts and feelings, even if you disagree, and even if you have something challenging to say, than to say nothing at all. Because the last thing you want is to suffer the equivalent of a colleague divorce at work.
ACTION TO TAKE NOW
If this is new territory for you, here are some safe ways to explore it:
Try smaller situations first. Just because turning against is less likely to end your working relationship with someone than ignoring them, it doesn’t mean it’s the ideal choice. Think about ways you could make the conversation a win-win, rather than a conflict at all.
Be aware of who you’re talking to. If you’re confronting a superior it’s possible to give the benefit of the doubt and make your position a little softer than you might with a colleague.
Keep practicing and remember, engaging is always better than avoidance and you’ll soon reap the rewards of rock solid communication.
Have you ever wondered if it’s worth reconnecting with a lapsed professional contact?
Your mission: Reconnect with a professional contact whom you haven’t contact with in 3 years or more, in person or via phone. As part of the conversation, ask the contact for information or advice on a current work project.
I actually pulled this “mission” from a study recently published in the MIT Sloan Management Review. The experience of hundreds of executives who reconnected with an old contact was that, YES, it’s absolutely worth it.
Professors Daniel Z. Levin, Jorge Walter, and J. Keith Murnighan found that the advice the executives received was as useful – often even more useful –than the advice they received from current contacts.
Here’s another tip: Don’t get too stuck on who’s the “best” person to contact. According to the study, when executives were asked to rank their top 10 lapsed contacts and reapproach them all, it turned out that the 10th most valued contact offered as many rewards as the 1st.
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to creating a new relationship. Custom tailoring is the only way to go.
Here’s a process to develop an approach strategy for building (or rebuilding) a relationship:
Consider the most appropriate medium of outreach – email, phone, social media, in person. How have you communicated with the person in the past? What’s more likely to catch their attention?
For cold contacts, try to find someone to introduce you. If that fails, research online so you know what matters to them, and can use that to tailor your approach.
Identify currency to offer. How can you make your approach generous, even if it’s just by brightening their day with a kind and genuine email? Do you have expertise you could offer? An introduction you could make? An article relevant to their business? An idea?
Determine the content of your outreach – the style, length, and what you’re going to say. It it's an email, make it clear and concise – get to the point. If it’s an in-person meeting, think carefully about what you’ll wear. It’s not about being well-heeled as much as it is about asking yourself what you want to say with your look. What’s the brand you’d like to communicate? If in doubt, ask a friend for help.
Determine timing. When is the person most likely to have the mental space to be receptive to a new demand on his or her attention? Be sensitive to their schedule.
GO FOR IT!!
What's your uniform when it comes to “hair and makeup” for a first-time meeting? Do you think about how your presentation is helping to tell the story of your brand?
seven books, including Getting Ahead: Three Steps to Take Your Career to the Next Level. View his books and FREE articles at his Leadership Coaching website. You can also subscribe to his Leadership Development newsletter and receive the FREE e-book, 40 Proven Strategies to Get Promoted Now!
your personal and professional lives.
