Your Brain on Relationships

Posted on July 3rd, 2009 by Keith Ferrazzi
Jim Mourey of U Mich and Greenlight Research Group

Jim Mourey

Interested in the science of relationships? Jim Mourey, the PhD candidate who heads up FG’s Greenlight Research Group, is here to tell us what’s going on in the brain in the various stages of making a connection. These stages are true for any kind of positive relationship bonding – romantic, professional, personal.

The Approach: The thought of a relationship releases dopamine in the brain (yes, think "dope"), which makes people more excitable, more sociable, and more engaging.  We're wired for socializing!

The Connection: The actual "connection" of a relationship releases endorphins, the same peptide hormone responsible for that "happy" feeling we get after exercising.

The Encoding: We encode our "relationships" much like Pavlov's dog through classical conditioning at the brain level.  That is: presentation of relationship occurs simultaneously with presentation of "happy feeling" chemicals, so we associate developing relationships with that "happy feeling" and want more of it.

The Maintenance: Physical touching, sex, and even childbirth triggers the release of oxytocin and vasopressin in females and males respectively, which are chemicals shown to secure lasting bonds in all kinds of relationships – romantic, parental, and friendly.  Researchers believe this helps us maintain our relationships.  In fact, when scientists artificially prevent these chemicals from occurring in animals, the animals become polygamous, don't spend time with their partners, and often spend time alone.  When scientists artificially increase these chemicals, lab animals become monogamous, prefer spending time with others rather than alone, etc.

The Addiction: We want relationships SO much, and the resulting neurochemical effects are SO strong, that relationships truly are addictions.  Love and relationships activate the same brain areas associated with addictions of other types.  Humans are innately addicted to relationships!

Go forth and bond!

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5 Responses so far | Have Your Say!

  1. I think we are organically *equipped* to build relationship with every one and every thing. How fare far is this topic is considered in your work or other the work Jim?
    Quraan as Source of wisdom: 49-13
    O mankind! Lo! We have created you from male and female, and have made you nations and tribes that ye may know one another. Lo! the noblest of you, in the sight of Allah, is the best in conduct. Lo! Allah is Knower, Aware.

  2. And this isn't all!
    Research on "mirror neurons" suggests that when we are engaged with other people our brains are also "imitating" them. So the more time and attention we give to relationships, the more we are able to empathize with them and maybe even to start to resemble them in some ways. (How many of your friends' habits or mannerisms have you collected? ;-)

  3. Reply to Dr. Karen:

    Your statement is only true of neurotypicals - 99.5% of the population. What about the 0.5% of us who have an autism-spectrum disorder. Our mirror cells, according to one hypothesis, are much reduced relative to others. The visible symptoms include lack of empathy and inability to sustain friendships. What advice do you have to offer us? Especially those of us who are trying to find fulfilling work but don't "work and play well with others?"

  4. Hmm, interesting article on some of the science behind relationships and why we do the things we do. Bottom line: Develop great relationships and your happiness will go through the roof!

    http://www.colbycheeze.com - Personal Development Kung Fu

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