Pluck the Weeds, Tend the Flowers

Posted on June 3rd, 2009 by Keith Ferrazzi

From Michael Port's terrific new Think Big Manifesto:

"We will break with negative influences. But it must be done consciously and specifically to be effective. I can't be around you right now. It's just not the right energy for me. Harsh? Possibly. Healthy? Yes. We cannot think big if we are surrounded by small thinking, negative influences and bad habits: the friend who supports us, but doesn't believe in us; the partner whose lifestyle is unhealthy; the business colleague who takes comfort in mediocrity."

This is a version of my Who's Got Your Back discussion about "plucking the weeds, tending the flowers." The weeds are individuals who bring you down, who take up energy and time with little in return. The flowers among your relationships are those people who bring brightness, color, ideas, support, and meaning into your life.  Sometimes we need to distance ourselves from people who are holding us back, even if we love them.

I know from experience that people really have trouble with this one. How about you: how have you dealt with a weed in the past - by picking it? Or have you been able to turn a weed into a flower?

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5 Responses so far | Have Your Say!

  1. I have let go of friends in the past whose words were supportive, but their actions were not. It's never easy, but I feel stronger and more centered each time I release a negative influence from my life.
    Currently, I am immersed in building a new business, and I find myself needing to pluck some more weeds. Remaining conscious around friends and coworkers who are content with mediocrity can be frustrating and disappointing, but eliminating these influences frees up time that can be used more productively and in building relationships that give back.
    I've never been able to change a weed into a flower, and anymore, I don't spend much time trying. It's better for me to set an example for change and move on.
    Thank you for this timely reminder.

  2. This is especially difficult if the influence was once good but is no longer.

  3. Ahh, this can be tricky. What if the "weed" is your spouse? What if you have made a forever committment and something seems to have made the flower a bit tough or weedy. It is difficult to change a weed into a flower, but it has to be possible or change would not happen in those relationships.

  4. A different perspective: One persons' "weed" is another person's beneficial flower. An example from nature is the flower/weed "Queen Anne's Lace". While a lawn-scaper would categorize QAL as a weed, and organic gardener sees the flower that attracts beneficial pollinating insects AND detracts pests from eating fruits and vegetables.

  5. Sajida Ahmed says:
    June 10, 2009 at 11:29 am
    Reply

    I agree you cannot change weeds into flowers, but its difficult to throw away the weeds specially if you have strong emotional ties with them.

    I believe the best thing to do is to surround yourself with as many positive thinkers as you can and stick to "thinking big" no matter who tries to make you want to believe otherwise.
    If you take small thinkers' advice, you tend to resent the act later, which is not good for you and not good for the relationship.

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