Banish Approach Anxiety and Make the Sale!

Posted on January 12th, 2010 by Keith Ferrazzi

The hardest challenge is to be yourself in a world where everyone is trying to make you be somebody else. - e. e. cummings.

I don’t care how good you are: If you’re in sales, you struggle with approach anxiety. There's been a time where you've psyched yourself out of a successful meeting because of self-doubt.

And we’re all in sales, whether you’re selling paperclips, companies, or ideas. Are you dating? You’re in sales too!

Here’s a five minute mental routine that you can use before calls, meetings, networking events, and presentations to calm your anxiety, get yourself grounded and ready to be your best self.

1.   Create an authentic environment around you. How? Take a deep breath. Relax. Prepare to let the other person see who you are and what you have to offer—your concern, your interest, your passion, your intelligence, your skill. Listen to that authentic inner voice. Meditate for several minutes or just take a few deep breaths.

2.    Suspend your prejudice. This is a mindset shift. Prepare to walk into every situation with as few assumptions as possible. Look for ways to express your interest in and concern for the other person. It means opening your mind to the possibility that the person or people you’re meeting are individuals you could care about.

3.   Project the positive. Once you’ve found your inner voice and know you’re speaking authentically, from there it’s a simple step to projecting positive feelings onto other people—the kinds of feelings that will help to bridge the gap between you and establish a welcoming, safe environment for the other person. Expect the best!

Take five minutes to walk through these three steps before your meeting or event. Bring a cheat sheet if it helps!

Does anyone already use deep breathing or meditation as a way to calm anxiety? I want to hear your experience.

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39 Responses so far | Have Your Say!

  1. Dear Keith,

    I am an Assistant Manager in the Marketing Department of an insurance Company. I wrote you a letter once when i was still in college and your book "Never Eat Alone" just came out. You then passed on my details to a friend of yours who was going to be in Boston to meet with me.
    I now subscribe to your blog and just wanted to let you know that i posted your tips on our company intranet for our sales team.
    Thank you for your valuable advice.

    Best Regards,
    Mona Tadayyon

  2. I own a yoga studio, and teach people to center and ground themselves every time I teach. I started to really use this approach in all my relationships a few years ago. I have a hard time with conflict, and as a business owner, unfortunately I have had to address issues with people that are less than comfortable. I use the breathing and grounding to help me feel firm in my convictions and to remember where I am coming from, a place of truth, which is ultimately where I need to guide all choices from... so needless to say, I have really made great strides, but practicing what I preach on the mat, off the mat!

  3. Jerry Eberhard says:
    January 12, 2010 at 6:27 am
    Reply

    Keith,

    First I want to say thank you for your news letters. They help keep me focused on areas that I need to improve in.

    Ok, thinking in terms of relaxation and visualization. I have recently came across a wonderful resource to help do just what you suggest. The technique is called Quantum Jumping by Bert Goldman. Bert's technique's teach you to very quickly relax and create the right mind set for anything you can imagine or goal you want to accomplish. It seems to be one of the best ways to prevent self-sabotage by creating a vision of possibility and locking that vision into ones mind. Check it out, you'll be surprised.

    Regards...
    Jerry

  4. Justin Norris says:
    January 12, 2010 at 6:30 am
    Reply

    Hi, Keith,

    I work for a small university in Pennsylvania as a fundraiser. I used to have significant anxiety asking someone for a gift, and would use deep breathing and meditation to help calm that anxiety. It always seemed daunting to ask for someone's money, until meditation helped me access an inner truth. I love to give myself to different charities and causes, and I care about those causes deeply--sometimes to a fault. Meditation helped me to realize that I am denying people the chance to invest in their values, because of my own "prejudices" and "fears." I am relinquishing their right to give by my hemming and hawing. Needless to say, meditation still helps me to combat those truths and trust my intuition.

    Justin

  5. Great article. I've heard stories about salespeople who have had their doctors prescribe beta blocker medication. This medication is often used by stage performers to help with stage fright. Salespeople can use it as a temporary crutch to show them how easy sales can be when they go in without fear.

    I really like your bit about projecting the outcome that you expect (obviously a positive one) before you even start your day.

    I am an avid user of meditation techniques. I tried to meditate every day at 12 noon. Here is a link to the audio that I listen to on my iPod to guide me through the meditation process.

    http://www.1hourmeditation.com/

  6. Keith what a great reminder. I have been selling for over two decades and can attest to the validity of your suggestion. When I remember to take a deep breath, focus on the outcome and the WIN/WIN, the meeting is almost always a success; even when that individual sale is not made. There is always something better.

    I can also attest that when I get caught up in the frenetic activity of running from Airport to meeting with conference calls in between and I don't take the time to ground myself in purpose, the meetings may not go where I want.

    Great work and Thanks

  7. Hi Keith,
    Great post - I used deep breathing to center myself before my law school exams (generally 100% finals) as well as my Quebec and Ontario bar school exams over 20 years ago, and still use it today before a difficult conversation or meeting. I have not tried meditation but find yoga and pilates, both of which involve a focus on one's breath, to be helpful in managing the inherent stresses of being a full time transactional lawyer practice and member of the sandwich generation (2 young children and an elderly mother and mother-in-law). Love the blog,

    Sharon

  8. hi Keith,

    Where were these tips before the first time I met you? :-) (DOH!)

    That said, here's one of my favorite (quick) relaxation techniques called "square breathing":

    Breathe in for four slow counts (1....2....3....4). Hold the breath for four slow counts (1....2....3....4). Breathe out for four slow counts (1....2....3....4). Hold for four slow counts (1....2....3....4). Do this cycle several times until the urge to vomit or become incontinent goes away.

    Keep it calm and slow. If you find yourself breathing in and out too quickly, count to eight. Hyperventilating and passing out is not the goal. No blue people.

    Best,
    Charlene
    (aka "Chris Farley")

  9. Keith,
    I practise deep breathing though out the day and espcially to refocus and stay present. It is amusing to me when the people who may be around me when I take a deep breath turn to look at me and ask if I am okay. It just shows that people are not used to this technique for relaxing! Before all my key meetings and difficult conversations I practise all the steps you shared.

    I have a very big meeting later on this week and I know I will surprise the clients there because I heard they are already anticipating a pushy sales person. Can't wait to meet them!
    Thanks for everything you and your community have given to us all.

  10. As a former college athlete, I always (if time allows) schedule a pre-game warm up meeting with another contact, client, or prospect to loosen myself up before the actual game (the original meeting). This way I'm ready verbally and my questions are in sync with my objectives. Its worth a try...

  11. Wow. I don't know which has helped me more -- Keith's sugestions or the readers' responses - esp. the "square" breathing. ;-) I teach public speaking so I'm gonna pass these suggestions on to my students. Happy Tuesday!

  12. Yes! Meditation works! I have been practicing Kriya Yoga for almost thirty years and it has changed my life! This world can be so much better if everyone practiced techniques that get us in touch with our own true nature. We each have the power to draw from universal truth, impact our lives and the lives of others. Anxiety, worry, stress, are gone. Center yourself in the spine, breath, vision, pray and bring the joy into the world! We just need to discover it and remember these universal truths!

  13. Paul Bissett says:
    January 12, 2010 at 10:38 am
    Reply

    Keith,
    I've used the routine you describe before I entered Emergency Rooms to consult with law enforcement after failed suicide attempts. Those situations were always stressful and I needed to quickly calm myself and focus. Recognizing the need to take this time before stressful situations - a job interview, etc. - is critical to giving my best. Including some deep breathing and saying a prayer has always worked for me!

  14. Keith,
    As a runner and competitive athlete, I have always used breathing to relax prior to and during competitions or events. For the past 15 years I have been using this technique in the workplace to help focus my thoughts prior to difficult conversations, presentations, coaching sessions and important calls or meetings. It is also very helpful as a parent to take a deep breath prior to reacting to your children. It really helps to make a more productive conversation once you have taken a few deep breathes and focused. Thank you for the email tips.

  15. Keith-

    Do you have any written tips on finding your authenticity within? That has always been the most confusing part of the human experience for me so far. I've really never been able to fully define mine which makes it a challenge to relax and share sometimes.

    • I am a Shambhala Buddhist and we put a lot of emphasis on developing AUTHENTIC PRESENCE: (Tibetan "wangthang"); a "field of power." "The basic idea of authentic presence is that, because you achieve some merit or virtue, therefore that virtue begins to be reflected in your being, your presence. So authentic presence is based on cause and effect. The cause of authentic presence is the merit you accumulate, and the effect is the authentic presence itself."

      We actually call this the Warrior's Path" Naturally, the apprentice warrior must go through training. (See "Shambhala Training"), starting with the right attitude to life, experiencing delight and leading your life elegantly. Pain and depression, as well as pleasure, may be source materials for study. A sense of wholesomeness makes life worth living; a sense of genuineness brings confidence.

      (Personal) Outer Authentic Presence: "Because you achieve some merit or virtue, therefore that virtue begins to be reflected in your being, your presence." "If a person is modest and decent and exertive, then he will begin to manifest some sense of good and wholesome being to those around him."

      Inner Authentic Presence: "...the inner meaning of authentic presence... is connected...to the path of Shambhala warriorship. Inner authentic presence...is connected to the realization of primordial space, or egolessness."

      You can find out more at: Shambhala Buddhist Meditation, Centers and Programs

  16. Hi,
    In Sweden, the spike mat has become a really popular method for relaxing and reducing stress. Not sure if there is any evidence of these acupressure mats increasing the performance of sales and marketing folks, but it might be worth a try :)

  17. Btw, the acupressure mats are available in the US at http://www.halsamat.com or on Amazon.

  18. Keith, Thanks for reminding me to breath...I needed it!
    And what great replays too!, I am learning so much from each.
    Dafna Smith

  19. I work in an industry where I am always selling myself. Everytime I walk on a new stage for the first time- I have to be confident. I am the product it is solely me that people are looking at.

    Why? I am an actress.

    When you are surrounded by talented people who are bidding for the same job as you its very easy to sike yourself out. ( You have to know deep within yourself that you are good enough) Sometimes I am with people that have years more experience then me. So I have to seperate myself from everyone else, and take a deep breath and close my eyes.

    And I start to walk and I pick an object to walk to. And when I get to that object I kick all of my insecurities away. Then when I return my brain feels fresh and ready to go.

    Doubt is a part of life- But you have to find a way around it.

  20. Hi Keith,
    before every important occasion I "centre" myself using simple NLP techniques. It's a really quick process and the more you do it, the easier and fastest it gets.

  21. Keith -

    What a great reminder to meditate! As a former US national team hockey player, I was introduced to meditation before the national team tryouts. My sports psychologist told me to remember the time I felt the strongest - to imagine that situation where I was unstoppable - right down to the detailed play. Then she told me to recreate that feeling and put myself in that bubble of air, where everything inside my bubble was full of that energy. The air that I breathed inside that bubble infused me with the same feelings of strength and success. If I got nervous before an important game, I would put myself in my "bubble", breathe deeply and meditate by imagining myself playing well. It worked amazingly well! Some people call this application of sports psychology to everyday life "The Secret" - and I would have to agree with them!

  22. The ability to focus yourself without distraction is difficult, but necessary to be able to meditate. To excel in anything requires a lot of focused energy and meditation allows us to do this. Simple steps to train yourself to meditate will give you greater achievement.

  23. Susan Wakefield says:
    January 12, 2010 at 1:37 pm
    Reply

    I have been out of work for a year. In spite of networking, resume perfecting, volunteering and networking like a maniac - I have not been able to land another job yet. The stress of how we are going to pay the bills is getting bigger every month. My two kids are home on Christmas break from college, and the house has been much messier and noiser than usual with their presence. Yesterday, my husband who is usually a calm and collected person just started freaking out about his job stress, bills and the messy house. My kids were yelling back at him. There was great tension in the house. I was trying to make networking phone calls, send resumes and I really needed a positive state of mind. In the midst of that tension, I had to stop and and do a breathing/prayer routine I have learned in a meditation class. Family thought I was nuts, but this kept me calm, focused, and able to move ahead with my job search tasks.

  24. Hi Keith,

    Thanks for your great tips!
    I enjoy receiving your newsletter.

    I have tried deep breathing to calm anxiety before big meetings.
    I am still learning about meditation, but I have found listening to
    meditation audios by Dr. Bernie Siegel and Louise Hay to be very helpful.

  25. Your advice works for the conman. It is what all conmen are capable of achieving. I realize that one need not be a conman to employ your advice, but I see no sensitivity to the fact that you can both sell lies as well as truth with confidence.

    Now, what distinguishes the honest salesperson from the conman is that the honest salesperson can and, if asked, will tell you what is also wrong with what is offered. What's that? You say you have never met anyone who will tell you what the problems are with what they offer? That our world is just full of the blind leading the blind? No wonder the ancients say, What fools these mortals be.

  26. Hi Keith,

    Even as a long time meditator, and deep breathing is like second nature to me, still I can get anxious before important meetings. In the recent years I've found Harmonyum treatment extremely helpful. It's like an advanced meditation master transferring his/her meditation onto you. Meditation on that level gives you not just a deep breathing pattern, but an unshakeable one. And it enhances your ability to visualize success and project it. Highly recommended! For more info please go to:
    http://www.universalforceyoga.com/harmonyum

  27. Great tips - I use these when working with my clients also. I really liked the square breathing and will use that one as well, a great way to express it.

  28. As the other commenters have stated, this is a great tip! I have been a meditator for a few years, and recently became a certified yoga teacher. In my professional life, I am a fundraiser, so I use meditation and yoga constantly to center and calm my mind. Another benefit of meditation is that as you hone in on your own mental state, you become more attuned to the mental states of the others around you - you get better at picking up the signals they are giving off.

    Tip #2 "supsend your prejudice" also kind of reminds me of a Buddhist practice called Metta, in which you send kind thoughts to all beings or to specific people (or to yourself). I highly recommend this as a way to prepare for a meeting. Some of the traditional Metta phrases are "May you be happy and safe from harm. May you be healthy in body and in mind. May you be peaceful and free from suffering." You can use these or make up your own specific phrases. Doing this really helps you become more empathetic and receptive to the other person. And it just takes a minute!

  29. I use deep breathing and meditation throughout my day to reconnect and manage stress. I also talk about it as a great stress buster in my Stress Management Series. For amazing benefits on meditation, check out http://watershedsolutions.wordpress.com

    Love your books, tips, and strategies and use them in my networking sessions.

    Thanks Keith.

  30. I prefer to use a yoga technique called the "relaxing breath". It is a good way to mentally prepare for the day in front of you. If you immediately follow up the technique with hard work, you can train yourself to trigger positive behaviors with your breathing techniques.

    "The Relaxing Breath"

    Exhale completely through your mouth.
    Close your mouth and inhale through your nose to a count of four.
    Hold your breath for a count of seven.
    Exhale loudly through your mouth, for a count of eight.
    Repeat the cycle three more times for a total of four breaths.

  31. Charlene, you win the prize for a comment that's both useful AND funny. nice one.

    amazing comments all. i bet everyone who read the thread was breathing easier at the end.

  32. I've practiced meditation on and off for years and even read several books on the subject. With there being different techniques for different purposes (focus, relaxation, healing, etc.), one very useful modern resource I've found is the free (some ask for donations via their websites if you seek additional sessions) iTunes meditations found at http://www.itunes.com . I found several series that are great, really professionally done, and you can listen to them laying in bed or when walking around during a break at work or with your office door closed. By downloading them to an iPod, you can take them anywhere with you, as a just in time break. I've found this especially useful with noise-canceling headphones on otherwise long, noisy airplane flights.

    Thanks Keith for the excellent topics and insights. I'll have to meditate on this more...

  33. Love the positive and simple tips....this may sound silly, but i've found jumping up and down really helpful to qualm the physical anxiety...if you are home you can jump rope for 1 minute or 2, use your rebounder, or just literally jump and down....if you are at the office, you can go into the bathroom and jump or walk around the building....there IS ALWAYS a way to qualm the physical energy...of course, all the while BREATHING :)

  34. Dear Keith,
    I am a leader of a Life Insurance sales team and a trainer. The anxiety naturally creeps in just before I get on the stage to speak. I follow this deep breathing exercise always which helps me build up my confidence.
    Waiting to get more tips from you, the successful speaker.

  35. Good article. I find that making a rule where you have to say hi or make small talk with anyone that comes within 3 feet of you really can cure your approach anxiety in the long run.

  36. What's Happening i'm new to this, I stumbled upon this I have found It absolutely helpful and it has aided me out loads. I hope to contribute & aid other users like its helped me. Great job.

  37. Great tips Keith.....
    I think the moment a woman feels that a guy do not evaluate her in any way and are just doing everything he can to please her despite her behavior that is where a woman losses respect for a guy...

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