I Love My Mother But…

Posted on July 17th, 2009 by Keith Ferrazzi

A favorite inquiry in cross-cultural research: Study subjects are asked to complete the sentence “I love my mother but . . .”

In Southeast Asia, the typical response is “I love my mother but . . . I can never repay all that she has done for me.”

Any guesses on what the typical response is in Western countries? I'll post the answer later in comments.

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8 Responses so far | Have Your Say!

  1. The typical Southeast Asian response says a lot about the people there. Respect is a huge part of life.

    My guesses for the typical Western response:
    - ... but sometimes she annoys me
    - ... but she's just too much sometimes

  2. ... I also love my father???

  3. I loved this short and touching TED video about a family's escape from an oppressive regime... and the remarkable mother that made it possible: http://tr.im/tedtalk5

    (somehow it made me appreciate my own mother more, too.)

  4. That certainly is interesting cultural commentary. As a psychologist who dabbles in cross cultural research, I'd like to raise one caveat. Before jumping to conclusions I would check what word was used for "but" was in the South Asian language.
    Linking words can create an expectancy for the next phrase. The English "but" calls strongly for an opposing idea, and that might have biased the English speaking responder to complete with a critique. The phrase "I love my mother BUT I can never repay what she has done for me" almost doesn't make sense in English. The sentiment would usually be expressed "I love my mother, AND I can never repay what she has done for me."
    So before concluding that South Asians appreciate their mothers more, I'd check the translation of the question, and also related factors like conversational styles, patterns of discourse, etc.

  5. Maria D. Espinosa says:
    July 19, 2009 at 12:28 pm
    Reply

    Possible Western response:

    I love my mother but...I must follow my own path, my own heart, my own experiences, my own wisdom. Mother's feelings and wants for their children are meant for the best for their children, however, their experiences in life are solely their own and their children can not attempt to live through them, nor should mothers expect them to.

  6. So true Maria...

  7. @Livia - that particular example could be an example of awkward English. The phrase could still work using a critique against the self rather than the mother: I love my mother but I can never control my temper around her. Or: I love my mother but I wish I enjoyed her cooking more.

  8. Jared hits it on the head - typically the Westerner's "but" is a critique against the mom, not the self.

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