Come Chat with Me, Live on Friday, Noon ET

Posted on November 17th, 2009 by Keith Ferrazzi

Lucy the psychiatristFirst, BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: FREE ONE-HOUR COMMUNITY Q&A WITH ME, THIS FRIDAY, Nov. 20, 12 p.m. Eastern, live at KeithFerrazzi.com. Mark it on your calendars now! I’ll be live on camera fielding your chatted questions. Come get some coaching on your business or career, or just ask whatever’s on your mind! Unlike Lucy, of course, I won't be dispensing psychiatric advice - or charging a nickel!  This is my way of saving THANKS for including me in your journey toward success.

Now, onto today’s tip. Usually I deliver practical business advice here. I hope you’re OK with me instead sharing with you a quote on romantic relationships that resonated so deeply with me that I wanted to pass it on:

When you love someone you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity, in freedom. -- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Relationships are a constant process of both being and becoming. Don’t be afraid of change – or of the need to “work” on your relationship. That’s how relationships survive. Anne Morrow Lindbergh was married to Charles Lindbergh for 45 years, until his death in 1974.

Does the quote resonate with you, too? How many times have you fallen in love - with the same person?

Send a trackback!
32 comments // In Site News and Happenings
Bookmark and Share
« Previous Post Next Post »

32 Responses so far | Have Your Say!

  1. Keith, you are spot on with AM Lindberghs quote. My wife and I have been married for 21 years and I cannot count the times I have fell back and deeper into love with this women. At first in a relationship you have to work on this finding ways to create passion and intimacy. However, once you have been comitted and working with each other for years it's like you are on auto pliot and new ideas just flow. Two of my favorites: 1) The first time we prayed together. 2) Each of you write down your top 25 dreams and then share with each other. You can leverage both of these to enhance your relationship for months and years to come.

  2. My wife and I had dated since high school and were married in 1981. I appreciate what she brings to our marriage every day and I have fallen in love with her too many times to count. We have had tough times along the way and the trials have made our relationship stronger. Marriage requires work but I find it pretty easy when I focus on that, within her, which I admire.

  3. Glen Townsend says:
    November 17, 2009 at 6:27 am
    Reply

    Thank you for the great quote! It is true in my life that the feelings of love ebb and flow. My wife and I have been married over 26 years and even though the feelings rise and fall, our commitment to each other remains strong. Our relationship is based on trust, understanding, and our faith in God. We have fallen in love again many times over the years.

    1) When we went through a medical crisis our love for each other went deeper and became stronger.
    2) When we have faced financial struggles our love was reborn because of the support and encouragement we offered each other.
    3) We reignite the romance in our lives by courting each other over and over again.
    4) Passion often comes from mystery. Every year I learn more about the wonderful woman I am married to. She is still mysterious to me!
    5) We make time to go away together and experience times when we can be at peace, talk about our life, rediscover our dreams, and reset our goals.

    I find that when I focus on my wife, and really see her, once again I fall in love with the wonderful person that God connected me with!

  4. I was very moved by the quote! It is ironic, I had recently noticed on our local news a story of a couple in a nursing home who had been married over 75 years! When asked how they did it, the woman simply stated:

    "We never fell out of love with each other at the same time."

    All relationships have an ebb/flow about them, even friends and business relationships, so of course romantic ones would too! It is a great reminder of the importance to work your relationships just as you would grow a plant, you should spend time watering, tending, caring for it. Neglect never helps a plant or any relationship grow. Your reminders of how to care for our relationships are great, thank you!

  5. What if we were all created the same? What if the weather remained the same each and every day? What if we all spoke the same language and ate the same food? Yea, that would be fabulous. Not!!

    The quote really spells out the true blessing of the unknown, the unpredictable. This uncertainty is what strengthens faith, our mind, and causes us to strive for a greater purpose.

    Admittedly, I stay away from the phrase "falling in love" because it assumes that you can fall OUT of love. This isn't true if there is genuine, unconditional love for one another. For instance, some of the comments above focus on the other spouse and not so much on the writer. That's great! Of course, the couple in the nursing home that "never fell out of love with each other at the same time", well, that's a pretty cool quote.

    Thanks Keith for straying off topic this week!

  6. Keith:

    Thank you for this lovely topic. It is such a pleasure to speak of love. My husband and I fall in love with each other daily and our love grows stronger and deeper at every turn. For us, the strength of our relationship lies in the following:

    - we make each other laugh in every situation possible;
    - we have a mutual admiration and respect for one another;
    - we love the other more than we love ourselves; and
    - most importantly, in the minutes or hours that we are mad each other, we recognize them as fleeting rather than defining moments in our relationship.

    My husband is a gift from God. Being able to share these special feelings with others is a Blessing. So, thank you Keith and the other who've shared their love. God bless you all.

  7. Great quote! There are aspects of romantic love that ebb and flow, like affection and attraction and intimacy, and are not directly subject to our control. Other aspects can be constant or constantly stronger, because they are choices - commitment, and the will to seek another's happiness. I think of them as forming a love sandwich. When affection or attraction are at an ebb, you can get by on the bread of determined commitment to stay together and invest in each other, even when you don't feel like it. When my wife and I keep giving what we can choose to give, soon the tender and tasty affection and the juicy and spicy attraction and the meaty intimacy will flow back and fill up the sandwich.

  8. Fantastic quote and something that young couples should read before getting married. Having just celebrated 20 years in July and having known my bride for almost 30 years, being aware of the ebb and flow is essential. Knowing that even in the ebb, all is not lost, just on a temporary hiatus. Things change and there are stresses every day, but my wife has always been there for me during tough times. She is my head cheerleader and source of great strength. I will keep loving her through the ebb and flow. Thanks for sharing the quote.

  9. I needed to read this today. Let's just say it's really put my relationship with my boyfriend into perspective. That sometimes relationships take a great deal of work, and we don't always love each other the same every moment. Life is about change and I've grasped that, but even though I've learned to adapt to change, for other's I need to recognize it's a bit more difficult. I realize also that in life, with change, their are obstacles and working together is important to overcome these obstacles; it only makes us stronger in the long run. Thank you for posting this quote. It'll stick with me all day; I've already posted it on Facebook for my friends to see, and post their thoughts. It really makes you think about yourself and your current relationship. Life is so busy and sometimes we forget about the little things that matter the most.

  10. It was not by accident that I would read this quote on this day! It was on purpose! It's caused introspection. I consistently fail at wanting a relationship to be perfect as opposed to allowing the process of ebb & flow to move freely... Now I will shift my thinking... I really needed to read this at the "perfect" time!

  11. I am so honored to be a part of this community today! Great quotes all.

    Paul Taylor's should be repeated:

    "I think of them as forming a love sandwich. When affection or attraction are at an ebb, you can get by on the bread of determined commitment to stay together and invest in each other, even when you don't feel like it. When my wife and I keep giving what we can choose to give, soon the tender and tasty affection and the juicy and spicy attraction and the meaty intimacy will flow back and fill up the sandwich."

    Also found myself nodding my head at the comment from the nursery home lady's secret to 75 years of marriage, "we never fell out of love at the same time."

  12. Spoken like the wife of bigamist. They say she never knew about his secret family in Germany. This makes me wonder.

  13. Hello Keith,

    I love this quote! Being a young women who married in my late 20's I didn't have a clue about the reality of marriage, this quote is truly bountiful! I learned a lot from my marriage, my divorce and ultimately my emotional health. I've grown so much that I now speak about the reality of marriage to all couples. I want to share my journey and what I have been through in hopes of me encouraging and inspiring them to learn the ebb/flow of marriage and to not be afraid of it.
    Even though I am nervous, I am truly excited to educate the participants on this fabulous quote!

    Thanks Keith~Have a great day.

  14. Thank you for this great quote. My husband and I have been together for 21 years. It has been a grand adventure. First and foremost we are friends and love to laugh. Everything else is secondary.
    I watched the movie Parenthood and the Grandmother talks about her relationship comparing it to a roller coaster. Ups and downs, excitement, fear, again a great ride.

  15. I totally agree!!

    I have seen it in my marriage. My wife and I continue to grow closer as time goes on.
    I don't mean that this happens continually, but, as we go through things together and stay on the same page always communicating, when we get through it we are closer.

    Then we go through a period that we are just living and not much changes. Then, at some point something happens that we need each other and we go through it together and we become closer.

    It does take effort to work on a marriage. Most people will put more effort into a friendship, but as soon as something goes sideways on their marriage they start running for the hills, instead of trying to communicate and work through it.

    Thanks

  16. That is a good quote. As a family law attorney for 28 years, I saw how easily couples gave up, as if they weren't committed in the first place and even with me doing my best to advise them to use all the resources available to stay together. Couples need all the support they can get.

    Having also been married for 24 years, I, too, can attest to the fact that marriage fosters a living and changing relationship. With attention, it gets better and better, too. My husband Peter and I kid each other about who loves the other more - I do the best to let hin win!

  17. Rachel Stivers says:
    November 17, 2009 at 10:00 am
    Reply

    Awesome quote!!!

  18. Great quote, and the same time I very much admired the first few stories/comments above about their beautiful relationships despite time going by with "ebb and flow." Change does make people uncomfortable, to my case, change made me scared and devastated...and even shamed that I didn't live up to my parents' expectation, didn't conform to the standard of my traditional culture. For a while I was hopeless. However, when looking at life from a different angle, people will think that's just a detour and will eventually merge to a brand new road, and the road might not be well-charted with might-be-intensified "ebb and flow", but sure to be brand new and exciting...and the most import, with hope. Thanks for this unexpected quote via e-mail from you, Mr. Ferrazzi. Great day!

  19. Claudia Charette says:
    November 17, 2009 at 11:19 am
    Reply

    Today is my first wedding anniversary but the 10th anniversary of the day my husband and I met. I love the quotes because they are so applicable. We've had our ups and downs but my husband brings tradition and laughter to my life even after 10 years. We have learned to allow ourselves to be ourselves through good and bad times and we've grown closer because of it. Thanks for sharing the quotes with us.

  20. Keith,

    Thank you so much for doing this. I've had a tough year with a job search post business school that has lead me down an entrepreneurial path that hasn't had a financial gain, so I will have tons of questions for you.

  21. Thanks so much for the quote. I have not been diligent about reading my emails, but I am glad that I took the time to look at this one. The quote was truly a blessing. I have been married less than 6 months and already we are in a lot of turmoil. All of the stresses of life have made it hard to keep what we love about each other in sight. This quote has given me some hope that we will fall in love again as quickly as we fell out of it because we do love each other very much.

  22. Keith,
    Thanks for your great talk to Thrivent Financial for Lutherans last week, at our National Sales Meeting. I love your new book, and appreciate your insight--which seems to have been hard-earned. We'll work hard to earn the kudos you gave us in your book.
    The quote from Anne Lindbergh is spot-on! There are seasons in life, and realtionships do ebb and flow. I have always loved my wife--since our first date. Through the last 20 years (16 1/2 married), we have had our ups and downs, but we've never let the downs get out of control. Now, I'm reaping the rewards of investing whole-heartedly in our realtionship. I love my wife more deeply now than I ever did when we were first "in love" (simply infatuated). Love grows more deeply because of trials and effort.
    Country artist Brad Paisley's new song "I thought I loved you then" captures the spirit of the quote. As we look back at birthday and anniversary cards, we can see the challenges we've faced, but we're rewarded now with an even stronger, deeper love than I could have imagined.
    And, hopefully, 20 years from now, I'll be saying "I thought I loved you then."
    The truly interesting thing is that after 17 years as a financial consultant, I have developed a mutual love with many of my clients, too. Things haven't always been perfect and I've made mistakes. But, they've been honest mistakes, and now, in many cases, I've become a part of my clients' extended family. What a true blessing!

  23. I added your blog to bookmarks. And i'll read your articles more often!
    generico viagra

  24. I'm certainly inspired by Mike's comment above - GREAT story. That said, it's a bit different in my experience... I am a big believer in the ebb and flow of love, but I can't state that I've truly fallen out and then back in love w/ the same person. It could be the harsh words or actions that are exchanged, but once I'm out, I'm done. I may get back to a cordial freindship and appreciate the other person's strengths, but I've never been Perhaps it's just semantics...

    That said, I think there is a multitude of ways to rekindle and to cherish your significant other. I'm coming out of a long relationship and I think your idea (especially writing down dreams/goals) is a powerful method to stay committted and connected.

    Best,

    Keith

  25. This quote is so profound. I had not previously read it, so thanks for sharing. If more couple understood this concept there would be fewer divorces and happier relationships. I never really fell "out of love" with my husband but there were many times when things would happen to remind me why I fell in love with him in the first place. Many of the previous comments are uplifting and reassuring. If one is blessed with true love, and I was, it should be held onto like a life raft and every minute cherished. Thanks.

  26. Great quote and so true. Thanks for sending it.

  27. A big thanks from Spain!!. I really enjoy your post. Bring to our day by day life the deep meaning of love:"choosing" to fall in love with that person (my husband, in my case), the same you met many years ago but so different in many ways (Lucky me, evolution is life, change is life).
    LOVELY!!
    And one more big thanks for your generosity, giving us the posibility to count on you !!

  28. Wonderful quote! Thanks for sharing.

  29. Keith,
    I have read Anne's Gifts of the Sea and the book is so powerful. Thank you for the reminder.
    This kind of "adult" love requires so much "faith." Whether it is a spouse or an employee--trusting the ebb and flow-- a great reminder of what inter-dependance looks like.

  30. Keith, thanks very much for the quote, it resonated deeply with me and I think it even helped me heal. I in turn have passed it on - it deserves to be widely read and loved! ~Ness

  31. Hey! Excellent idea, but will this really work?

Leave a Reply