You have a great mentor in your company. What happens when you leave?

Posted on April 6th, 2005 by Keith Ferrazzi

Got a great question (actually, many great questions) recently during a teleclass with students and alumni of the University of Chicago Graduate School of Business.

Q: After reading "Find Mentors. Find Mentees. Repeat." (chapter 29 of Never Eat Alone), I've been wondering -- what happens when you change tracks and do
something different than your mentor did? How do you avoid their disappointment in you when you
decide to change tracks? Often, it seems like mentors take interest in you precisely because you're pursuing a similar career path to their own.

The kind of people who would even care about you changing tracks are
the kinds of people who have already invested in you very deeply. I think of my mentor Pat
Loconto at Deloitte. The same year they tapped me for partner, I decided to
leave and become chief marketing officer at Starwood Hotels. It's probably not
different than if you were in a family business, where you might say to your parents "I'm deciding to leave the business to do x,y, and z, because that's where my heart
is." I'm sure some feelings are torn. There's a sense that they'd like to see you follow in their footsteps. You
might have been their hope for succession in the future and now all of a
sudden, you're going elsewhere. I think most parents at the end of the day
would come to the conclusion that they've got to let their love and concern for
you supercede and to allow you to do what feels right for you. And sometimes
it's difficult in the beginning. But you've got to have that same conversation.

I approached Pat as though I would have approached my father. Pat was clearly disappointed because he was hopeful that I would
have stuck around longer. But he quickly put on his paternal hat because I had nurtured a
relationship that was true and deep and lasting. Then he started giving me advice, quite good advice actually. He said that whatever I went on to do, "Don't ever look back. Don't ever say to yourself, 'What if
I had stuck around at Deloitte?'"

I was very fortunate, because Pat's a pretty special guy. Some parents/bosses/mentors aren't has
emotionally adjusted as others, but I believe the good folks will come around. They just have to approach these situations with the same empathy and understanding they would
as a parent. And you have to approach the situation with transparency. Let them know all that you're feeling -- that you're fearful of losing
their respect, that you're worried about losing their care and interest in you because of the change you're making, but that it really is the passion that you feel moved to pursue.

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