Feedback Can Change Your Life. Here’s How to Work Up the Courage.

Posted on July 23rd, 2009 by Keith Ferrazzi

courageFeedback is one of those things we all need and yet often don't receive well. Even more often, we don't receive it at all. Why not?  Because we’re too afraid to ask for it.

This leads to another question: Why are we afraid to ask?

The ten million dollar question. One answer is my favorite Mark Goulston quote, which I put in WGYB: "We don't want to hear the truth because we have a fear that it will metastasize through our entire being." Metastasize, like a cancer!! We think that the feedback will control us, like a sickness we can't fight.

No - you control feedback. Don't feel that way? Here are a few principles to repeat ad nauseam until you've changed your mind:

1. Each piece of feedback you receive is only one data point.
2. YOU own the data.  You can do with it what you like, it’s yours.
3: It is YOUR decision whether or not to change.

Once we realize the feedback doesn’t live with others, but rather within ourselves, change becomes a lot easier.  We begin trusting ourselves, not others, to make the right decisions about our behavior and actions.

But the change process STARTS with willingness to consider outside perspectives. So get started - ask someone for feedback. Start small, with something that matters little. Over time, work your way up, to issues that have profound bearing on your success. You'll see your confidence grow with each conversation.

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7 Responses so far | Have Your Say!

  1. great post, keith. i think the general point goes back to not taking yourself too seriously. you must be willing to acknowledge the fact that, like everybody else, you have flaws or at the very least "areas for improvement."

    feedback is great on a personal & business level. you must understand how the id, ego & super-ego relate. subsequently, you can use that information to your advantage.

    btw, coming to the atlanta event tonight. really looking forward to it!

  2. I used to ask for feedback all the time. I think it confused people or intimidated them. Or something. Anyway, what I found though was by the act of asking it freed me up to hear the Universe and its reflections. Not directly from individuals, kind of a built up answer comprised of lots of facets, lots of different inputs. The nice thing is that it's easier to filter this kind of feedback, from all humanity if you will. Ego isn't involved.

    But then, yes, it is up to the individual as to how they grow from the feedback.

    Peace.
    @vinylart

  3. I think we are afraid because we would prefer to assume that we are really great and not needing improvement! (Which is usually not the case.)

  4. Keith, your tips this week are especially helpful to me! This one in particular was well timed. It's review time at our Company, and everyone gets stressed out about getting feedback. The documented feedback is rarely surprising since we communicate throughout the planning period, but just the words (review, reflection, feedback) can be intimidating to many people. My motto is "I may not be able to control what comes my way but I CAN control my reaction". Your article provides the same message and one that I can share with my team without it just being another "Norma-ism", so thank you!

  5. What should you do when you ask leadership for feedback (outside of the standard performance review season) and receive nothing? What to do? Never ask again, or keep asking (within appropriate measure) until someone is willing to actually share?

  6. It's nice to read a quality blog post. I really enjoy lots of the articles on your site.

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