Comments on: A Magic Weapon to Turn Others on to Your POV?

By: Jane Stimmel

Jane Stimmel — Fri, 14 May 2010 03:52:10 +0000

Empathy as taught by Dr. Stephen R. Covey in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, is to "Seek first to understand, then to be understand. Understanding from their point of view builds trust in the relationship and helps in conflict situations. Often we are trying to create our response, our question, our rebuttle, etc that we miss and fail to listen to the entire message. Show that you are listening by using their words to paraphrase back what you hear first and be careful of autobiographical responses initially: 1) Evaulating 2) Probing 3) Advising and 4) Interpreting.

By: Chuck Coleman

Chuck Coleman — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 11:03:07 +0000

I should note that I'm amused when people try to use their empathy to understand me. It doesn't work. They are then befuddled because they don't have good alternatives.

By: Chuck Coleman

Chuck Coleman — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 11:00:41 +0000

Your definitely right there. I was born without empathy. My children were born with high empathy. It is those in between who may be able to increase their empathy through exercise.

By: Chuck Coleman

Chuck Coleman — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 10:46:04 +0000

Being autistic, I was born without empathy and will NEVER develop it. I can, however, develop cognitive substitutes. I can learn enough psychology to identify systematic behavior patterns indicative of pathology, then understand the pathology. The most common one by far among Americans is narcissism. Sometimes, I reflect on a jerk I knew and realize that his behavior was narcissistic. Sometimes I'll discuss jerks with trusted others to better understand them. I've also been learning about nonpathological variations in personality (e.g., Myers-Brigg, DiSC). These help me understand what makes other people tick. After learning about the DiSC, I identified a coworker as an I-influencer. He then proceeded to confirm this by trying to do something to make work fun and ask about the importance of a project.

By: Briana

Briana — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 16:23:11 +0000

I think you may have a valid point. I have always been nurtured with lots of love, understanding and support from my family and thus I am an altruistic person. I love to love people as much as receive love from those I show love to. The frustration comes from when you do not recieve empathy in return when you are a person who always practices it.

I think that those who do not grow up learning how to be sensitive to another persons feelings or perspective, naturally defend themselves and are not aware or even care or know the importance of caring for someone else.

By: Briana

Briana — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 16:07:16 +0000

Cindy I ask the same question to myself? I am in a relationship I chose, that is new for me as he has 3 children and 2 different women. Both women refuse to be mature and accept my presence in their children's lives. They say bad things about me and show me no respect. I try very hard to understand how I think these young women may be feeling by placing myself in their shoes. And I keep coming to the same conclusion, which is that to realize I have nothing to do with the separation, I treat the kids as if they were my own, there is no reason to be disrespctful to me just because I am not with the guy. This leaves me upset, angry and confused. How do I continue to keep my mind open, and be understanding when there is no acknowledgement of the goodwill I show to the kids and them!

By: C, Caines

C, Caines — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 03:05:44 +0000

As a psychotherapist, the greatest gift I can give to people is empathy. That said, it isn't always easy to be in the chair, listening and empathizing all day. Recently I apologized to one of my clients for what I perceived was a lapse in empathy. She gave me a heartfelt "Thank you" and added that she had not noticed. Nevertheless, I felt lighter having acknowledged her and that I was aware of my mistake.

By: AC Repair

AC Repair — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 05:22:56 +0000

Have you ever thought about adding a little bit more than just your thoughts? I mean, what you say is important and everything. But its got no punch, no pop! Maybe if you added a pic or two, a video? You could have such a more powerful blog if you let people SEE what youre talking about instead of just reading it.

By: John C.

John C. — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 14:27:42 +0000

Empathizing requires deep listening and feedback communication skills. It is a tremendous building block in building relationships, regardless of who it is your spouse or a colleague. Turning all your attention to that person gives them recognition and builds trust between you and them. It also makes a deposit from you into their emotional bank account. It humanly validates them in a world of chaotic sound bytes. Calmness and self control adds tremendously to empathizing. A great learnable skill.

John C.

By: Deven Pravin Shah

Deven Pravin Shah — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 05:28:48 +0000

This is so true.

Understanding another person's point of view and make him/her realize that creates such a comfortable trust and synergy in the relationships.

Well said.

-Deven