Tools and Tips – How to Work a Cocktail Party

Posted on May 27th, 2010 by Keith Ferrazzi

Are you one of those people who'd rather get a root canal then spend an evening engaged in small talk?

Then here are a few tips to help you at your next cocktail event. You may find yourself not only making real connections, but even enjoying it!

1.    Don’t cherry pick. Don’t waste the whole event strategizing how to connect with the most popular person there, but by all means take advantage if the chance arises!

2.    Use the chance to talk to new and undiscovered people. At the very least you’ll get to practice your conversation skills.  One of those unknowns could turn into one of your most treasured lifelines, you never know!

3.    Don’t feel like you need to talk to everyone. A few sincere and connected conversations are more valuable than hours of glad-handing.

4.    Be approachable. Make eye contact, but not in a creepy stare-down sort of way.  Practice your best open body language – unfold your arms and relax.

5.    Be an engaged listener. First, really genuinely listen to what the other person is saying.  Then find ways to show that you are interested – nod your head, gently touch their elbow, lean in slightly.

6.    Be sincere. Make the conversation count, don’t scan the room looking for someone “better” to talk to.  For the time that you are engaged in the conversation, be completely present.

7.    Know how to make a graceful exit. You shouldn’t feel like being engaged in a conversation means that you are glued to that person for the rest of the evening.  You can excuse yourself by offering to go get another round of drinks.  If the other person declines the offer, you have no obligation to go back.  If they accept, you can strike up another conversation on the way back from the bar and then ask your initial contact to join you and your new friend.

8.    Plan for follow up. In order to develop into a true connection, your small talk should end with an invitation to meet again.  Compliment your conversation partner on some shared interest and establish a verbal agreement to meet again, even if it’s not about business.

Making connections at a social event doesn’t have to be painful.  Take advantage of these ideas to make the most of the time you spend at functions and you might even have fun!

Do you have ways that you have made the most of social events?  Tell us about them!

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17 Responses so far | Have Your Say!

  1. I'm not naturally the most extroverted person but I genuinely like metting new folks and it became necessary as part of my work in consulting and business development. At conferences and partis, I make plans to meet with folks I have connected with online through LinkedIn or other social networks. That way the barrier to meeting is reduced and you can each offer up introductions to other folks at the party forming a group that can then splinter off into building relationships...

  2. Keith,

    Great Post! Networking events can be an overwhelming experience especially if you're an introvert. You pointed out some great tips that anyone can use to feel comfortable and efficient in any social gathering.

  3. Keith,

    These are all good rules but when working a cocktail party the #1 rule is to stay sober. It is OK to drink but stretch each one out so you can stay focused and on task. It is too easy to cross the line if your defenses are compromised.

  4. Dale is right. I usually have one drink but for my second I dress-up sparkling water with a twist to make it look like a gin & tonic. Also, I make it a point to start talking with the people in front or behind me waiting in the buffet or bar line.

  5. Thanks for the iisnhgt. It brings light into the dark!

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