Comments on: Five Tricks to Set New Contacts at Ease in 10 Seconds Flat

By: Baran

Baran — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 05:16:59 +0000

To have a presice mind with good thought when we are in contacts with others can help our suitable face and body state and behavioural control

By: Viviana Sutton

Viviana Sutton — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 16:53:06 +0000

I became a toucher years ago when I read of a research study.

Surveyors stood outside of a new library, asking exiting visitors to answer a few brief questions about the library. Half of the surveyors were instructed to somehow make physical contact, such as touching the person's hand while handing them a pen.

The respondents who had been touched were glowing in their praise, more connected and engaged, and overall much more positive in their opinions of the library and of being asked to participate in a survey.

Now, when the grovery store cashier hands me my change, I make sure I always touch. I think they are friendlier...

By: Mark Zanders

Mark Zanders — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 14:16:36 +0000

Make it a smile, not a grin!

You know what I'm saying: It's in the eyes (yours - and theirs when you really connect). What's the diff? Well, think of the last big smile you got from a child. It's their eyes that light up and engage you, draw you in to their joy. The grin is just punctuation. You see, a grin is something you do with your mouth and teeth. A smile is a feeling you share. It's far more inviting and tells others so much more about you.

A genuine smile goes hand-in-hand with the rest of the tips. In fact the rest flow naturally with a just a little practice. Rapport in seconds. Eye contact ceases to be uncomfortable. The touch is never misperceived. Body language and talk are naturally more open.

Look in the mirror and try it. The great smile starts with the eyes; the rest will follow...

By: Raquel Richardson

Raquel Richardson — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 12:55:02 +0000

I like this advice overall, but agree that the elbow touching act is weak. To me, it doesn't come across that way, it comes across as basically "ick." I would be more apt to ask questions, compliment them on an accomplishment or act I know about or introduce them to others around me if that is an option. Just about anything but touching their elbow...

By: Joan Joffe

Joan Joffe — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 07:13:41 +0000

In my country, South Africa, people are very warm. We don't just touch - we embrace. I recently went to a meeting at the Nelson Mandela Foundation offices. I had not met the person before, and extended my hand when introduced. She instead put her arms around me and said "Around here we don't shake hands, we hug". What a marvelous way to start a relationship. All the tips mentioned work - I have been using them for years.

By: Travis Johansen

Travis Johansen — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 13:06:27 +0000

I've heard that waittresses at restaurants can get a lot bigger tips when they make some sort of physical contact with their table guests. Whether just tapping the guy paying the bills shoulder and then setting it on the table, or whatever. Just a tap- so I've heard

By: Simon Brooks

Simon Brooks — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 12:53:25 +0000

I use these techniques - all 7 of them and they work with the caveat of Lisa's, Ken's and Josue's comments. The smile is the miracle worker which I discovered when I was working and walking in London (I am British). I was having a really bad day, scowling and looking all moody when a woman (I think Jamaican) walked up to me and gave the brightest smile I had ever seen. It changed my complete attitude and day. I went from zero to a hundred in a nano-second.
In regard to follow-ups I send articles I find in papers, magazines and on-line to individuals who I think will appreciate them, all non-related to what I do with my clients, just to make the relationship stronger. The earlier in the relationship you start this the stornger the relationship becomes.

By: Lisa Zimmerman

Lisa Zimmerman — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 12:37:50 +0000

I love this topic! My best tip is to "appreciate" the other person - which may include what they're saying/doing, but maybe not. Consciously feeling genuine appreciation for them (and your connection with them) in the moment as you maintain eye contact and positive thoughts, will send a transmission of energy that is powerful and can shift others into feeling more open towards you.

If you're trying to look positive while making eye contact with them, but you're thinking about getting what you want in that moment, you're on the wrong track. This is a giving piece and people love/want/need to feel received. When this is established you can move forward having created a real connection.

Keith, I love the your tips and the conversation!

By: John Williams

John Williams — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 11:36:13 +0000

All of these suggestions are right on. I use them all the time- you can be the judge with the person you are with as to what to do and not do- the key items are eye contact and leaning in- but be careful to not get too close- that is a big turn off for sure. I deal with internatinal customers some grab you and give you a hug (men and women) and others are more stand off- but again, eye contact and sincerity get them all the time.....thanks for teh great tips

By: Jim Thornton

Jim Thornton — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 11:07:41 +0000

For those of you who have trouble "smiling on command" like I did for years I have a tip.

Someone showed me (I wish I could remember who so I could give them credit) that a good way to give a big smile is to imagine that you are holding a pencil in you mouth. In fact, if you have trouble smiling - try putting a pencil and then smiling. Once you get a sense of the feeling of having your cheeks go back, your mouth opening, and your teeth showing you will be confident that you will be giving a nice smile.

The amount of time that you smile is important, too. Similar to Keith's advice about too much eye contact, too much smiling is not natural. Unless there are special circumstances the person you are with will think you are fake if you smile and laugh all the time.

I really appreciated the post and the comments. Thanks for sharing.

Smiling is important and for years I had trouble giving "the right" smile.