Comments on: Are Your Poor Listening Skills Hurting Your Career?

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By: Vergie Veley

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By: Mindy Wallace

Mindy Wallace — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 01:40:42 +0000

This was an eye opener. I am one of the listeners that pretends to be listening even though I am usually thinking about a thousand other things. When I do this it is not because I don't think I need to listen but usually because so many people bother me when they ask too many questions that everyone else has already asked.
My director at work does suggest that I listen more and quit being the first one to respond or interrupt someone to give my opinion.

By: Ellie Behling

Ellie Behling — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 17:37:22 +0000

Great article! Random comment: It's hard to listen when someone talks too much. If you listen to everything they say you begin to enable them. Maybe a whole other piece should be about how to practice selective listening :)

By: Ron Krumpos

Ron Krumpos — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 00:04:10 +0000

Art of listening

While student at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, I became friends with Carl Rogers, who was respected as one of the leading psychotherapists of his time. He taught me much about the art of listening.

Dr. Rogers said that when we listen, and people know we are listening, it shows we truly care about them. In turn, they will respond by caring about you. It opens communication and also opens hearts. When we accept them as a person, unconditionally, they will be more kind to you.

We should listen without preconceptions, without anticipation and without judgement if we want others to portray what they truly feel. We listen with all our senses, not just to the words which are said. Some people cannot fully express themselves while speaking, so we must try to see them as they see themselves. We should watch for non-verbal clues as to what they really mean: facial expressions, body movements, etc.

While we should show positive regard for the other person, we should also demonstrate our own positive self-regard. We do not react to their negative comments, verbally or physically, even when we disagree with them. When they do ask for our opinion, however, we should respond with our true thoughts and in specifics rather than generalities. We offer our own perspective as other options rather than as contradictions.

Learning to listen aided me greatly in my later career in sales management. When you know what your clients need and what they want, how their previous experiences have formed their judgement, you can better relate your own (airline or hotel) services to meet their requirements and desires. Showing that you care about them indicates that you will care about the people who they will book with your company. I tried to teach my sales representatives that what the customer says is more important than what they say. Empathy for others can lead to success for them.

Listening might seem quite passive as opposed to speaking. It is actually very active. To paraphrase Bobby Kennedy, "I learn while listening. When I talk I don't learn too much." If you think talking helps to spread your own wisdom, you are not really wise.

By: Listening Skills Are Critical During the Job Hunt | Jeannette Kraar - Executive Career Coaching

Wed, 17 Feb 2010 18:36:47 +0000

[...] Up If You Are in Job Search Mode Keith Ferrazzi wrote an article called “Are Your Poor Listening Skills Hurting Your Career?” Ferrazzi’s the guy that wrote a “Never Eat Alone” and another one recently called [...]

By: Make Change Stick With Dial Up, Dial Down « Keith Ferrazzi

Make Change Stick With Dial Up, Dial Down « Keith Ferrazzi — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 10:34:23 +0000

[...] Tuesday I wrote about poor listening skills, and someone challenged me in the comments to give you guys more about not just recognizing [...]

By: Rivera

Rivera — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 01:52:57 +0000

Keith,
I find myself at a point in my life that I am trying to concentrate on my listening skills. For the last thirteen years, I have worked within my company starting at a young age and working my way up to a managerial level. My position has remained consistent since 2003, and I believe my arrogance has caught up with me. I love what I do. I have great relationships with some great customers, but they are not the people that can help me reach my future goals. I work in a sales related company. My position has evolved from my relationships and success within the metro NY area. I am what you would call an innovator. For years I have been creating and researching new outlets for development within our sales department. I have become very knowledgeable over the years and I believe it has just clouded my memory somewhat on how I got to where I am at. I started out as a salesman in 1998, being aggressive on the streets. I was not afraid to uncover sales in any facet. I remember meeting customers at night in their living rooms over dinner. I really built a name for my willingness to build relationships within all demographics of the city. Today, I have worked myself into a position away from what I do best. I do not make the connections as I have in the past. I guess I have turned into a bit of a know it all at my company. My listening skills have really suffered. I recently have returned to school. I am 33 today, and am working towards taking my skills back onto the streets. I have enjoyed nothing more than to help all the business owners develop their businesses. I believe with a more rounded education, I may have the ability to entertain a position within a larger company that can exercise my abilities more extensively. Today, I am spending much of my free time communicating with my old contacts. I am creating new flames with old friends. Since reading your first book, I have realized two important things in my life. First, is that I am not listening as well as I have in the past. Second, is that I need more in my life than my current career. I want to reach back out into the community were I developed all my skills and continue to interact with as many business owners as I can. I love the engagement between the minds. It has always intrigued me to find the solutions that hold business owners back from becoming more successful within their own businesses. I have worked very hard over the past eight years to live a successful life. I am just not living an en-joyful one. I am currently seeking my graduate degree. If there is any recommendations you may have on how I may better prepare myself to enter a larger company as a consultant, I would be greatly appreciative.

By: Mazarine

Mazarine — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 22:58:08 +0000

I actually took a listening class with my board chair on Valentine's Day 2008. It was a good class. A few of the most important things I learned is that you need to be
1. Not doing anything else while you listen to someone
2. Showing them you're giving them your full attention. Turning your body towards them.
3. Giving them eye contact to show you are fully present.
4. Nodding to encourage them to continue.

By: Dean Becker

Dean Becker — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 15:09:33 +0000

Effective listening is indeed a skill that can be learned, practiced and perfected. I received my first active listening skills training as a marketing representative at IBM and have had many years and thousands of live, face-to-face customer interactions to build - and maintain - these skills.

The proliferation of virtual teams and practices like conference calling has created new barriers to active listening. Think about the last remote team tele-meeting you were on and all the keyboard clattering you heard while the team leader was talking. Kinda like texting while driving - not as dangerous but just as distracting!

Then I started thinking about the generations of kids whose primary interactions with friends, family and business associates are text-based via email, Facebook, Twitter, etc. Are they really listening to each other - or to us? Do we need to develop a new set of listening skills to compensate for this headlong rush toward non-verbal, text-oriented messaging?

And do we need to get better at moving the conversation from the PC or handheld to a real across-the-desk meeting? I sincerely think so.

-Dean