Posted on July 3rd, 2009 by Keith Ferrazzi
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Jim Mourey
Interested in the science of relationships? Jim Mourey, the PhD candidate who heads up FG’s Greenlight Research Group, is here to tell us what’s going on in the brain in the various stages of making a connection. These stages are true for any kind of positive relationship bonding – romantic, professional, personal.
The Approach: The thought of a relationship releases dopamine in the brain (yes, think "dope"), which makes people more excitable, more sociable, and more engaging. We're wired for socializing!
The Connection: The actual "connection" of a relationship releases endorphins, the same peptide hormone responsible for that "happy" feeling we get after exercising.
The Encoding: We encode our "relationships" much like Pavlov's dog through classical conditioning at the brain level. That is: presentation of relationship occurs simultaneously with presentation of "happy feeling" chemicals, so we associate developing relationships with that "happy feeling" and want more of it.
The Maintenance: Physical touching, sex, and even childbirth triggers the release of oxytocin and vasopressin in females and males respectively, which are chemicals shown to secure lasting bonds in all kinds of relationships – romantic, parental, and friendly. Researchers believe this helps us maintain our relationships. In fact, when scientists artificially prevent these chemicals from occurring in animals, the animals become polygamous, don't spend time with their partners, and often spend time alone. When scientists artificially increase these chemicals, lab animals become monogamous, prefer spending time with others rather than alone, etc.
The Addiction: We want relationships SO much, and the resulting neurochemical effects are SO strong, that relationships truly are addictions. Love and relationships activate the same brain areas associated with addictions of other types. Humans are innately addicted to relationships!
Go forth and bond!
Posted on May 19th, 2009 by Sara Grace
Hello from Sara, Keith’s managing editor. A few SEEN AND OVERHEARDS from the Who's Got Your Back launch party at Arianna Huffington's in LA….photos TK later!
- Marcus Buckingham telling a group that multitasking drops your IQ a full 10 POINTS, compared to 5 from hitting a joint, and 8 from a losing a night of sleep.
- Steve Glenn explaining that his company, Living Homes (which makes stunning modern eco-dwellings), doesn’t have anything to do with the new green mobile homes coming on the market
- Greenlight Research Group’s Jim Mourey , Ph.D., explaining the number-crunching methodology behind FG’s rDNA Diagnostic
- Rob Long, of NPR's Martini Shot and Keith’s fellow Yale alum, getting candid about not wanting to get candid about his fears and vulnerabilities – an exercise Keith lead during the party
- Arianna, radiating loveliness, intelligence and wit, everywhere, all night long
- Guru Singh, declaring Keith the only author to turn his book party into The Gong Show (shortly after beating the gong himself – I didn’t even know a gong could make those noises…it may be responsible for me being up this early)
- FG’s Jeff Kaplan, telling his University of Phoenix colleague (UoP is the incredible generous sponsor of the WGYB Road Show) that fancy parties aren’t his cup of tea
- Ryan, Keith’s sidekick on the tour and consummate social media strategist (you’ll see a lot of Ryan on the blog very soon), trying to convince Marcus Buckingham that tweeting is a good idea; Marcus is a FB fan, where he likes to try out new ideas on an inner circle of people he trusts.
- Keith himself, heart right where it should be - on his sleeve – sharing with a rapt crowd gathered ‘round the pool how good it felt to no longer be feeling like he was drowning in the deep end, thanks to the constant support and butt-kicking of his lifeline relationships.
