Relationship management at its best is a way of life. You want to be engaged in relationship building relationships in a continuous, effortless flow that moves you in the direction of your highest priority goals.
One ritual for keeping the flow going is what I call “Programming.” What that means is that for any of your contacts, at all times you should either have a program (e.g., call them one a month, have dinner with them twice a year) or a next step (something unique to the relationship) in place.
A couple ideas to get this practice in motion:
1. Relationship To-Do List: After every exchange, use a three column ledger to track: the Individual, the Goal they’re associated with, and the Program or Next Step.
2. Followup or Fail: Schedule followup/debrief time immediately after all of your meetings to schedule your next step.
How do you make relationship building a way of life?
Failing to plan, as they say, is planning to fail. So it goes with outreach. Most people’s efforts are scattershot. But if you want to make the most of your network – and give the most to your network – you need to get organized.
Here’s the method I use to make maintaining my network of contacts, colleagues, and friends easier. It's a strategy that can be adapted for use with any number of applications out there today for tracking contacts. The basic steps are: Categorize, Prioritize, Track, and Schedule Weekly Outreach.
1. Divide your network into categories. There’s no standard method here. Create a segmentation that works for you and your objectives. Personally, I use five categories: Personal, Customers, Prospects, Important Business Associates (which includes both people I’m in business with, and people I plan to be), and Aspirational Contacts. The “personal” category I don’t include on call lists, because these are people who I’m in contact with organically; the relationship is established, and when we talk, it’s as if we’d been in touch every day.
2. Prioritize the list to decide how often to contact each person. I’ll go down my master list (which includes all the categories) and add the numbers 1, 2, or 3 next to each name. A “1” gets contacted at least each month; a “2” gets a quarterly call or email; a “3” I try to reach once a year, probably through a group communication like a holiday card.
3. Schedule weekly outreach. I do this by segmenting my network into call lists. In time, your master list will become too unwieldy to work from directly.Your call lists will save you time and keep your efforts focused. They can be organized by your number ratings, by geography, by industry, and so on. It’s totally flexible. I make a habit of reviewing my master list at the end of the week and crosschecking it with the activities and travel plans I have for the following week. In this way, I stay up-to-date and have my trusty lists at my side all week long.
4. Track your outreach. Each time I reach out to a person, I like to include a very short note next to their name telling me the last time I contacted them and how. If last month I sent an e-mail saying hello to a potential customer rated “1,” this month I’ll give a call.
With a plan in place, I guarantee you'll keep in touch with people you otherwise would have forgotten - until the moment you needed them. In other words, TOO LATE!
Today we celebrate the contributions of the American worker - at a time when umployment is at its highest in 26 years. Why not use the holiday to set some intentions around contributing to the greater good this week - and of course, beyond this week. We're not going to come out of crisis by government edict. It's going to take everyone's commitment.
A few suggestions - and feel free to add your own in comments.
1. Call the people you know who are out of work and ask them a very simple question: "What can I do to help?" Then be prepared to follow through.
2. Bring in a home cooked meal or cater lunch for your team or a couple colleagues at work, and focus the conversation on positive intentions.
3. Have an opinion on the health care debate? Write your rep.
And here, from Chris Brogan, are suggestions for kind acts you can accomplish without leaving your desk chair.
“Your best customers are the customers you have right now.”
If you’re in sales, you’ve probably heard that before. The idea is that your most successful leads come from the selling you’ve already done. The highest returns don’t come from new sales; they come on top of the customer base you’ve already established. It’s easiest to reach out to those people who are at least tangentially part of your network.
Likewise with expanding your general network. The big hurdles of networking revolve around the cold calls, meeting of new people, and all the activities that involve engaging the unknown. So if you want to forward quickly, concentrate on the people who are already part of your existing network. Everyone from your family to your mailman is a portal to an entirely new set of folks. I bet you have no idea how vast and widespread your network already is.
Today, take a moment to create a list of all the people you already know, and a schedule to reach out to them over the next weeks. Who knows what leads they'll generate?
Here are a few starting categories to get you thinking:
• Relatives
• Friends of relatives
• All your spouse’s relatives and contacts
• Current colleagues
• Members of professional and social organizations
• Current and former customers and clients
• Parents of your children’s friends
• Neighbors, past and present
Leave no stone unturned!
Who has ideas for other pockets in your current network that might hold opportunities?
Let’s face it, having a list of names of people you want to reach in business (did you make your RAC?) and even the craftiest pitch don’t mean much if can’t get your targets on the phone. Half the difficulty in reaching out to others is actually reaching somebody at all. It’s even more difficult when that somebody is a Big Kahuna with a thicket of protective voice mailboxes, blind e-mail addresses, and defensive assistants running interference.
So how do you open the door? You need to learn to artfully manage the gatekeeper.
For starters, some mindsets to adopt:
The first rule of managing the gatekeeper: Never go head-to-head with an admin. You’ll lose every time. Never, ever get on his or her bad side. Your job is to make him or her into an ally, not an adversary.
Recognize the gatekeeper’s awesome power. If they’re any good, they become trusted friends advocates for their bosses, and integral parts of their professional, and even personal, lives.
Don’t approach a gatekeeper – or a target – without a deep understanding of his boss’ business and an interesting value proposition. You won’t necessarily need this upfront, but don’t waste your time getting access if you’re not ready to play ball once you’re there. Ideally, you should be approaching new contacts with 98 percent value add, 2 percent ask.
Now, the skillset - five steps for your approach:
1. First contact: Particularly on your first call, be very careful not to be aggressive or nervous. Remember, you don’t want to anger him or make him feel like you’re trying to get away with anything. As in all situations, relaxed confidence goes a long way.
2. No traction from the first call? (This will happen more often than not.) Then follow up promptly to establish your presence and make it known you won’t go away. “Hi, this is X. I’m just calling back because I haven’t heard from Y.” Without being too pushy, this approach starts to create the presumption that his return call is imminent and expected.
3. Remember to reward good behavior – or in other words, treat the gatekeeper with the dignity they deserve. What does that mean? Acknowledge their help – thank them by phone, or with a gift – flowers, Starby’s card – and thoughtful note. You may even do this at the stage where they’ve just been polite and open, but haven’t yet made anything concrete happen. (Feel out the situation – a gift shouldn’t come across as a bribe.)
4. If your gatekeeper signals you’ve taken a step too far – for example, if he/she is short with you – recover quickly. The way to do that is by being humble, candid and even vulnerable. She’ll question whether she was too gruff, perhaps with someone who really should meet her boss.
5. If the gatekeeper gives you the chance to send an email to your target, make sure to put your best value prop right up front. Be simple, direct, and to the point.
Still not getting anywhere?
Persist. Slowly but surely build the relationship over time, without being a pain. Never be needy. Try to add some value to the gatekeeper’s life – even just finding a way to make her smile every time you call can go a long way.
You can also try to whiz past the gatekeeper by:
Calling the office at an odd time – early morning or late evening. The admin will have gone home, and there’s the off chance your target might just pick up the phone himself.
Utilizing several forms of communication. E-mails, letters, LinkedIn requests – try ‘em all.
This post was based on content from my first book, Never Eat Alone.
Social media allows me to open up the front of my relationship pipeline. I'm able to connect with more people of a similar mindset. It also allows me to ping the 25 people closest to me virtually everyday. Social media is not killing relationships - it's helping expand my relationships horizon.
Pinging your contacts regularly is an important part of maintaining your relationships. In this clip Keith discusses this subject in detail: Proactive vs. Reactive Pinging, methods of pinging, content of messages, etc.
PING 3 PEOPLE AFTER WATCHING THIS VIDEO! (And post your results in the comments.)
A question I got from the Relationship Masters Academy group, one I've heard a lot lately:
"How do I use Linked In to build relationships?"
I made a very specific choice not to include social networking strategy in the 2-day kick off curriculum of the academy, although we'll cover it later. Why? These are tools of incredible and rapidly increasing importance. But that's all they are - tools. If you don't have the mindsets to build deep relationships, if you haven't adopted and practiced the mindsets of generosity, vulnerability, candor, and accountability, then you're not ready for the tools.
In other words, first on my agenda is to get everybody's head screwed on! I'm launching the academy with what I know will bring them the greatest return on intimacy - making the greatest different in the next months and years of their lives. And that's shifting their mindset from "I don't care" to "how dare I not care?"
But back to LinkedIn, FB, etc, a question:
Ever made or been the victim of a social-networking faux pas?
“A new study concludes that social skills can be a better predictor of future earnings than test scores are. Christy Lleras, a University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign sociologist, analyzed data from the National Educational Longitudinal Study of 1988, tracking 11,000 students from 10th grade until 10 years after their high school graduation. Her work, published in September’s Social Science Research, found that pupils described by teachers as conscientious, motivated, and able to relate well to peers and adults earned an average $3200 more yearly than those with equally good test scores but poorer social skills. Lleras says many socially adept students were helped by joining in team sports or other activities. It makes sense, she says, that in a service economy, ‘people with social skills will be much better equipped to navigate.’”
Pauline Wiessner’s research on the !Kung bushmen in the Kalahari - see yesterday's NY Times piece, tells you everything you need to know for survival in a hostile climate, whether it’s the desert or Wall Street:
1. Give gifts. (Preferably hand-made…)
2. Tell stories. (Stories that make the people you know look good…)
3. Visit friends. (Particularly if they offer a free place to stay…)
Not to reincarnate the noble savage, but tribal people do get something that First-worlders have lost and could stand to recapture: Depending on each other – for generosity, vulnerability, candor, and, above all, accountability – is the best, the fastest, and maybe the only way to get ourselves out of the economic mess we’re in.
Hi @jwhite! Love your post on elevator pitches and would like to use it in my online curriculum at KeithFerrazzi.com. Credit to U, of course 17 hrs ago
Relationship management at its best is a way of life. You want to be engaged in relationship building relationships in a continuous, effortless flow that moves you in the direction of your highest priority goals.
Failing to plan, as they say, is planning to fail. So it goes with outreach. Most people’s efforts are scattershot. But if you want to make the most of your network – and give the most to your network – you need to get organized.
Today we celebrate the contributions of the American worker - at a time when umployment is at its highest in 26 years. Why not use the holiday to set some intentions around contributing to the greater good this week - and of course, beyond this week. We're not going to come out of crisis by government edict. It's going to take everyone's commitment.
Likewise with expanding your general network. The big hurdles of networking revolve around the 
Let’s face it, having a list of names of people you want to reach in business (did you make your 
