Controversial was right: Thank you to the 80+ readers who responded on the blog to my question about your level of comfort and success blending your personal and professional lives.

Most of you spoke enthusiastically to being “one self” at work and at home, and listed the many benefits of doing so – with a canny awareness for the need to set both personal and professional boundaries.

But I’m more interested right now in pulling the contras into the spotlight. Here’s four that I think are representative of the very real challenges and fears that can come with blending:

1. Hostile/Competitive Workplace: “My coworkers would use anything they could learn about you to screw you and your career. You are talking idealistic nonsense… My coworkers [at a large white collar office were the education level is graduate level or higher] are the enemy. That is the real world in private industry. Most people do not work in Disney Land. And never help out a fellow employee. That shows you are weak and a loser.” – Albert
2. Worry about Getting Stuck on the Mommy Track: “When my children were small, I occasionally needed to take time off to attend school functions or to care for them, if they were ill. The problem is that this is how women end up on the ‘Mommy Track.’ In addition, discussing one's personal life at work is (seen as) unprofessional. If I had it to do over, I would have kept my mouth shut and just used my own vacation or sick days, without letting anyone know why.” – Karen Read more →

34 comments // In Relationship Management

Frode Odegard is the Founder and CEO of the Lean Software Institute. He was part of RMA's pilot program and has recently re-joined the community. Frode is currently writing a book on Lean transformations in the IT sector.-KF

My initial motivation for organizing dinner parties was to make my relationship building more scalable.  When I say scalable I don’t just mean increasing the size of my network, I am also referring to getting more out of my time.  I spend almost half my time traveling overseas, and if I’m in Copenhagen, say, for a day, there is no way I could meet separately with each person there I’d like to stay in touch with.

Currency: If you are not a rock star, an investor famous for writing checks on a whim, or a hot model, chances are you have to put some thought into making yourself someone who can offer value. If the only value you offer is your products or services, then you are missing an important point – RMA teaches us the danger of self-similar networks, and that’s all you will get unless you broaden your audience a little bit and become proactive about what ELSE you can help people with.

For me, dinner parties provide a way to provide valuable currency – I can offer people the chance to meet other interesting people and have the kinds of discussions they’d be unlikely to have elsewhere. I can also provide personal advice and assistance when appropriate; we all know a lot of stuff besides what we currently do professionally, and many of us have had two or three careers already.

Outreach: My strategy for reaching out is a combination of individual invitations and invitation emails sent to several people at once.  I send the latter out roughly a week in advance. I provide a brief description of the spirit and purpose of the gathering, and a brief description of everyone else who has been invited. Attendees appreciate this because it gives them a sense of whom else will be there and who would be especially useful for them to connect with. I try to aim for roughly five people who have attended in the past and three new people each time.

In the invitation emails I often use the term “unnetworking”.  I borrowed the idea for this term from marketing expert Scott Stratten (@unmarketing on Twitter) and I use it to underscore that my intention with these dinners is to have fun and build authentic relationships.  The aim is for the atmosphere to be that of friends getting together.

Individualized invitations are driven by opportunity. When I meet someone interesting at a party or attending an event, I tell them about my dinners and invite them to attend an upcoming one.  I have the dates set 1-2 weeks in advance and keep a list in the calendar entry for that dinner with the people I am planning to invite.  In a few instances, I have connected with people on Twitter (@odegard) and they go into the list of people I’d like to meet in person.

Venue: Because my life is a bit nomadic these days, I use restaurants as the venue.  I want to stay true to the vision of the dinners being a joint experience with friends so we all pick up our own tab.  I try to select restaurants that provide a cozy ambiance and that aren’t too noisy.

Organization: In my Getting Things Done (GTD) system I also keep entries in my Agenda section for each city that I have visited or will visit around the world.  For each city I have a list of people I want to see again and people I’d like to meet.  So in addition to people I’ve already promised to invite, these lists provide triggers for whom to invite.  Each dinner is also set up as a GTD project, with a next action to reserve the restaurant and send out invitations.

Follow-Up: After the dinners, I try to reach out personally to each of the people who attended.  I want to make sure they had fun and made a useful connection.  They really appreciate that I care.  It is not uncommon for me to have 1-1 lunches or coffee to follow up with individuals on conversations that began during a dinner.

When was the last time you went to a dinner party?

2 comments // In Relationship Management

Here’s a clever networking idea from Mike Koenigs, inventor of video promotion tool Traffic Geyser: When you come home from an event with a pile of business cards, follow up with them immediately via a short, personalized video. This can be done in two simple steps.

Step One: Create a short introduction script for your video and film it.  “Hi Sue, this is Keith. I really enjoyed meeting you at the conference and I thought you’d like this two-minute video tip I’ve created on how to [insert your subj matter here] – I think you’ll see it fits in well with what you’re working on.” That’s spliced in with the pre-recorded video tip you’ve created on your area of expertise.

Step Two: Send that person an email with a message that says something like, “Hi Sue, It was great to meet at the conference this past weekend. Here’s a two-minute video I made for you, tell me what you think!” Ideally, the url for the video is your web address plus that person’s name (www.yourwebsite.com/SueJohnson), but you could also just create a private YouTube link.

Few people can resist opening a link with their name in it. And when you give them information that’s truly of service to them, there’s no better way to start a great relationship.

Thanks to Mike for the great idea, and to Bob Serling, who included this tip in his free ebook, “10-Minute Business Success.” It’s packed with tips from 26 business-building experts - including me, Tony Hsieh of Zappos.com, a co-founder of Open Table, an ex-VP of 1-800-GotJunk?, John Jantsch, Dr. Robert Cialdini, and many more. You can get your free copy here - just use the pass code: 1025.

Are you using video yet as a means to communicate with your network? If not, what’s holding you back?

14 comments // In Relationship Management

Google Alerts is a free tool that allows you to keep tabs on your most important contacts’ interests as they make news across the Web. When an alert comes through that, say, contact A’s company just announced a new CMO, or contact B’s favorite soccer team just won a match, I send them a ping (a quick email or text) with greetings, salutations, and some thoughtful or funny words. Though the content is helpful – and yes, you will need to do your homework in order to know what to track –  the truth is that these pings are really just an opportunity to check in and see how they’re doing, and how I can help.

Many of you may already be doing this, but for anyone who’s been lazy about getting Alerts  up and running, today’s tip is an excerpt from Mitch Meyerson’s Success Secrets of the Social Media Superstars, a collection of insider tips from today’s brightest social media innovators – including an opening chapter from me.

Dave Evans’ contribution, “Social Media in One Hour a Day,” included this great how-to on setting Google Alerts. I hope it’s the foot in the rear that you need to finally get yourself started – or to expand your use of this great tool!

Social Media in One Hour a Day

by Dave Evans

Featured Power Tool: Google Alerts – excerpted from Success Secrets of the Social Media Superstars

To set up Google Alerts:
1) Go to Google Alerts (http://www.google.com/alerts) and log in. If you need to create an account--if you don’t already have a Google Gmail ID--then create one now.
2) Type in the names of your brand, product, service or organization, or those of a competitor.
3) If you have a feed reader set up, choose “Feed” as the delivery; otherwise choose “email.” Figure 3 shows you how to do this.

Figure 3: Setting up Google Alerts, Step 1

4) If you chose “Feed” you’ll see a screen like that in Figure 4. If you’re using Google reader, click the link presented. If not, click the feed link and paste the URL into your feed reader.

Figure 4: Setting up Google Alerts, Step 2

That’s it. You’ll start receiving alerts automatically. As noted, if you’re using email delivery think about adding inbox filters to automatically route these alerts.

You can get a copy of Mitch’s book as well as audio and video bonuses at http://www.SocialMediaMarketingSuperstars.com.

What are your savviest tips for staying up-to-date on your network?  Also, need help know what your most important contacts' interests are? Read How to Turn Two Minutes Into a Lifetime Connection.

5 comments // In Relationship Management

My birthday was last week. Thank you for all the lovely and beautiful greetings sent by so many!

Here’s something you may not know: I rarely answer the phone on my birthday. Why? I want to save the greetings in my voicemail. Sometimes I save them for years. I save all my Mom's - not just because it’s her, but because of the heartfelt sincerity of her greeting. I can feel how much she cares for me in each and every one of her messages.

I'm asked often what the best way to say “happy birthday” is. Well, it’s easy. Say it and mean it. Don't just repeat the traditional words; take the opportunity to tell that person who they are to you and to others. Tell them you really do hope they will do something special for themselves, even just to pause in the gratitude of their blessings.

What birthday messages have you received (or given) that have stuck with you?

5 comments // In Relationship Management

Relationship management at its best is a way of life. You want to be engaged in relationship building relationships in a continuous, effortless flow that moves you in the direction of your highest priority goals.

One ritual for keeping the flow going is what I call “Programming.” What that means is that for any of your contacts, at all times you should either have a program (e.g., call them one a month, have dinner with them twice a year) or a next step (something unique to the relationship) in place.

A couple ideas to get this practice in motion:

1.    Relationship To-Do List: After every exchange, use a three column ledger to track: the Individual, the Goal they’re associated with, and the Program or Next Step.

2. Followup or Fail: Schedule followup/debrief time immediately after all of your meetings to schedule your next step.

How do you make relationship building a way of life?

4 comments // In Business Networking, Relationship Management, Time Management

Failing to plan, as they say, is planning to fail. So it goes with outreach. Most people’s efforts are scattershot. But if you want to make the most of your network – and give the most to your network – you need to get organized.

Here’s the method I use to make maintaining my network of contacts, colleagues, and friends easier. It's a strategy that can be adapted for use with any number of applications out there today for tracking contacts. The basic steps are: Categorize, Prioritize, Track, and Schedule Weekly Outreach.

1.    Divide your network into categories. There’s no standard method here. Create a segmentation that works for you and your objectives. Personally, I use five categories: Personal, Customers, Prospects, Important Business Associates (which includes both people I’m in business with, and people I plan to be), and Aspirational Contacts. The “personal” category I don’t include on call lists, because these are people who I’m in contact with organically; the relationship is established, and when we talk, it’s as if we’d been in touch every day.

2.    Prioritize the list to decide how often to contact each person. I’ll go down my master list (which includes all the categories) and add the numbers 1, 2, or 3 next to each name. A “1” gets contacted at least each month; a “2” gets a quarterly call or email; a “3” I try to reach once a year, probably through a group communication like a holiday card.

3.     Schedule weekly outreach. I do this by segmenting my network into call lists. In time, your master list will become too unwieldy to work from directly.Your call lists will save you time and keep your efforts focused. They can be organized by your number ratings, by geography, by industry, and so on. It’s totally flexible. I make a habit of reviewing my master list at the end of the week and crosschecking it with the activities and travel plans I have for the following week. In this way, I stay up-to-date and have my trusty lists at my side all week long.

4.    Track your outreach. Each time I reach out to a person, I like to include a very short note next to their name telling me the last time I contacted them and how. If last month I sent an e-mail saying hello to a potential customer rated “1,” this month I’ll give a call.

With a plan in place, I guarantee you'll keep in touch with people you otherwise would have forgotten - until the moment you needed them. In other words, TOO LATE!

Related posts:
Four Rules to Rise to the Top of Anyone's Mental Rolodex
Stay on Their Radar: A Pinging Primer

8 comments // In Relationship Management

Today we celebrate the contributions of the American worker - at a time when umployment is at its highest in 26 years. Why not use the holiday to set some intentions around contributing to the greater good this week - and of course, beyond this week. We're not going to come out of crisis by government edict. It's going to take everyone's commitment.

A few suggestions - and feel free to add your own in comments.

1. Call the people you know who are out of work and ask them a very simple question: "What can I do to help?" Then be prepared to follow through.

2. Bring in a home cooked meal or cater lunch for your team or a couple colleagues at work, and focus the conversation on positive intentions.

3. Have an opinion on the health care debate?  Write your rep. 

And here, from Chris Brogan, are suggestions for kind acts you can accomplish without leaving your desk chair.

0 comments // In Relationship Management

“Your best customers are the customers you have right now.”

If you’re in sales, you’ve probably heard that before. The idea is that your most successful leads come from the selling you’ve already done. The highest returns don’t come from new sales; they come on top of the customer base you’ve already established. It’s easiest to reach out to those people who are at least tangentially part of your network.

Likewise with expanding your general network. The big hurdles of networking revolve around the cold calls, meeting of new people, and all the activities that involve engaging the unknown. So if you want to forward quickly, concentrate on the people who are already part of your existing network.  Everyone from your family to your mailman is a portal to an entirely new set of folks. I bet you have no idea how vast and widespread your network already is.

Today, take a moment to create a list of all the people you already know, and a schedule to reach out to them over the next weeks. Who knows what leads they'll generate?

Here are a few starting categories to get you thinking:

•    Relatives
•    Friends of relatives
•    All your spouse’s relatives and contacts
•    Current colleagues
•    Members of professional and social organizations
•    Current and former customers and clients
•    Parents of your children’s friends
•    Neighbors, past and present

Leave no stone unturned!

Who has ideas for other pockets in your current network that might hold opportunities?

9 comments // In Relationship Management

Let’s face it, having a list of names of people you want to reach in business (did you make your RAC?) and even the craftiest pitch don’t mean much if can’t get your targets on the phone. Half the difficulty in reaching out to others is actually reaching somebody at all. It’s even more difficult when that somebody is a Big Kahuna with a thicket of protective voice mailboxes, blind e-mail addresses, and defensive assistants running interference.

So how do you open the door? You need to learn to artfully manage the gatekeeper.

For starters, some mindsets to adopt:

• The first rule of managing the gatekeeper: Never go head-to-head with an admin. You’ll lose every time. Never, ever get on his or her bad side. Your job is to make him or her into an ally, not an adversary.
• Recognize the gatekeeper’s awesome power. If they’re any good, they become trusted friends advocates for their bosses, and integral parts of their professional, and even personal, lives.
• Don’t approach a gatekeeper – or a target – without a deep understanding of his boss’ business and an interesting value proposition. You won’t necessarily need this upfront, but don’t waste your time getting access if you’re not ready to play ball once you’re there. Ideally, you should be approaching new contacts with 98 percent value add, 2 percent ask.

Now, the skillset - five steps for your approach:

1. First contact: Particularly on your first call, be very careful not to be aggressive or nervous. Remember, you don’t want to anger him or make him feel like you’re trying to get away with anything. As in all situations, relaxed confidence goes a long way.

2. No traction from the first call? (This will happen more often than not.) Then follow up promptly to establish your presence and make it known you won’t go away. “Hi, this is X. I’m just calling back because I haven’t heard from Y.” Without being too pushy, this approach starts to create the presumption that his return call is imminent and expected.

3. Remember to reward good behavior – or in other words, treat the gatekeeper with the dignity they deserve. What does that mean? Acknowledge their help – thank them by phone, or with a gift – flowers, Starby’s card – and thoughtful note. You may even do this at the stage where they’ve just been polite and open, but haven’t yet made anything concrete happen. (Feel out the situation – a gift shouldn’t come across as a bribe.)

4. If your gatekeeper signals you’ve taken a step too far – for example, if he/she is short with you – recover quickly. The way to do that is by being humble, candid and even vulnerable. She’ll question whether she was too gruff, perhaps with someone who really should meet her boss.

5. If the gatekeeper gives you the chance to send an email to your target, make sure to put your best value prop right up front. Be simple, direct, and to the point.

Still not getting anywhere?

Persist. Slowly but surely build the relationship over time, without being a pain. Never be needy. Try to add some value to the gatekeeper’s life – even just finding a way to make her smile every time you call can go a long way.

You can also try to whiz past the gatekeeper by:

• Calling the office at an odd time – early morning or late evening. The admin will have gone home, and there’s the off chance your target might just pick up the phone himself.
• Utilizing several forms of communication. E-mails, letters, LinkedIn requests – try ‘em all.

This post was based on content from my first book, Never Eat Alone.

Want to read more on this subject? I liked Andy Dicken's Top 10 Tips for Getting Past the Gatekeeper.

UPDATE: For those of you looking for the broken link in today's tip, How to Gain VIP Access in Minutes, go here. Thanks!

9 comments // In Relationship Management