I wanted to introduce author and speaker Bruno Aziza. Bruno created a video to share his RMA story. I'll let him explain how concepts such as accountability buddies, leading with generosity and vision boards helped him on his journey.
Thanks Bruno!
We have a guest to tip today: Tahl Raz, my Never Eat Alone co-author and partner on Relationship Masters Academy. Enjoy 
and have a great week! – Keith
In a recent Harvard Business Review blog post, leadership expert Dr. Cleve Stevens contrasts traditional leaders with transformational leaders for whom the employee-boss relationship is more than a transaction – money in exchange for labor. Transformational leaders know and recognize that a great company satisfies far more than the monetary needs of its employees.
And so it is exactly with Relationship Masters, who find inventive means to connect and build relationships.
Here are the four things Relationship Masters use to build the most powerful and lucrative networks, according to Dr. Stevens’ piece:
1. Love. Sure sounds touchy-feely, doesn't it? But love simply means focused concern that is exclusively for that person's good. Show your contacts you care about them and their futures. Emails that begin, "I was just thinking about you. . ." and "I'd like to introduce you to someone I think could be a big help with. . ." should be mainstays of your pinging strategy.
2. Growth. No one wants to be exactly where they are forever. Provide the enthusiasm, resources, and contacts that allow your contacts to grow and expand.
3. Contribution. To feel fulfilled, people need to know they are contributing to something larger than themselves. Sometimes all it takes is to show or remind someone the ways that their work matters to the world. Other times you can present direct opportunities for volunteering or charity.
4. Meaning. We are meaning-seeking creatures. Share a vision that demonstrates that what you do and what you want to accomplish serve a larger purpose, and find creative ways for your network to engage in that purpose.
Now let’s tap the brilliance of this community: What are the concrete tactics and techniques you’re using to deliver each of these things to your networks today?
My friend and international bestselling author Jon Gordon has released a new book called Soup: A Recipe to Nourish Your 
Team and Culture, about how to create a winning team and culture of greatness. Below you’ll find an excerpt on how to improve your work relationships with positive reinforcement.
Soup is a quick, entertaining read that will give you practical insights on:
• How culture drives behavior, behavior drives habits, and habits deliver results
• Creating relationships that are the foundation for successful careers and winning teams
• Building trust, creating unity, and enhancing team engagement (amongst staff, volunteers, etc).
Buy a book today and you’ll get a free downloadable SOUP ACTION PLAN + access to an exclusive Group Coaching Session. The Action Plan is a 32 page document that will help you put the strategies in the book into action. Details on that offer and more about the book can be found at http://www.jongordon.com/soup-promo.html.
And now, an exclusive excerpt from Soup:
The Power of Positive Interactions
By Jon Gordon
John Gottman's pioneering research found that marriages are much more likely to succeed when the couple experiences a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. When the ratio approaches 1 to 1, the marriage is more likely to end in divorce. Additional research also shows that workgroups with positive to negative interaction ratios greater than 3 to 1 are significantly more productive than teams that do not reach this ratio.
So what does this mean for you and me? For most of us it means we need to increase the number of positive interactions we have at home and at work and reduce our negative interactions.
We need to engage each other with more smiles, kind words, encouragement, gratitude, meaningful conversations, honest dialogues and sincere positive interactions. And to foster these actions we need to create personal and team rituals that help us interact more positively. If we make them part of our organizational process and individual habits they are more likely to happen.
You might make it a point to smile at your co-workers and customers more often. As a manager, spend more time praising your employees for the things they do right rather than always focusing on what everyone is doing wrong. A manager I know makes it a point to personally praise 5 people every week. As an organization you might gather all of your employees on a call once a day to share a positive message. Or perhaps you might gather your sales team together each week and have your team members share success stories. The ideas are infinite. The key is to intentionally cultivate more positive interactions to fuel success.
However, please know that this doesn't mean we should never have negative interactions. Sometimes we need to confront a situation to move past it and, as we know, ignoring problems that stare us in the face doesn't work. Negative interactions are necessary so long as they occur much less frequently than positive interactions.
Positive interactions are essential to a healthy marriage, positive work environment and individual and team success. In this spirit when you are finished reading this, I encourage you to go thank someone at work or at home and let them know how they impacted your life in a positive way. Then make it a habit.
About Jon
Jon Gordon is a speaker, consultant and international bestselling author of several books. His latest release is Soup: A Recipe to Nourish your Team and Culture. Jon helps individuals, organizations and teams develop positive strategies for enhanced leadership, teamwork and sales performance. Learn more about Jon and his latest book at www.Soup11.com.
How have positive interactions impacted your relationships?
Hope you had a great Memorial Day weekend and took advantage of the opportunity to unofficially welcome the summer.
It’s easy to think of the season as down time when nothing really happens in the professional world - everyone is on vacation, and if they’re not, they’re thinking about when they will be. People assume plans for moving forward should be put on hold until the fall.
Not at all!
Summer activities offer amazing opportunities to get your connections out of their offices and into venues where they are likely to let their guard down and really open up, moving your relationships to a new level.
Consider planning summer events that bring your key contacts together and blend your personal and professional lives. Start an annual picnic or barbecue event. And who could resist an invitation to the beach or marina? Think of ways to include your connections in your summer celebrations and see how your relationships heat up along with the weather.
Here are 5 great ideas for summer socializing to get you started:
1. Host a BBQ in the park with storytelling for the kids so that the adults are free to talk.
2. Invite a group to attend a baseball game – either minor or major league are great options. Don't worry about getting one block of seats - just make sure to plan post-game dinner or drinks nearby in advance.
3. Watch the papers for free museum events, and plan a sushi-and-wine (or other finger foods) picnic afterwards.
4. Lunch or dinner at an outdoor café can be a quick and easy way to enjoy the sun and some casual conversation.
5. Does your community offer outdoor concerts or theater? Get a group together and bring a basket of wine and snacks to enjoy during the performance. Let someone else do the work of entertaining for you.
Do you have ideas for relationship-building summer activities? Share!
Here’s an insight about building intimacy that I shared on yesterday’s Relationship Masters Academy coaching call.
I was a pole vaulter in high school. Until you’ve done it, you think you’re never going to be able to clear 12 feet. You think it’s impossible. You think it’s insane. But the fact is, it’s really only hard to do right up until the moment that you do it. After you KNOW you can do it, it’s no sweat. You can land it again and again.
So it is with building intimacy in relationships. First off, remember that increasing true intimacy helps move you quickly to a deeper, more productive relationship. Why? A track record of intimacy and generosity creates trust and mutual understanding – and nothing’s more important to getting more stuff done, quickly.
The problem is, if you’re like most people, you wait to share anything truly personal about yourself until you’re absolutely positively SURE that you’re not going to be rejected. It’s like you want a red carpet and a line of paparazzi to announce, “Yes, you have arrived! You can be yourself!”
Well, imagine the power and the generosity of rolling the red carpet out for someone else. That’s what building intimacy in your network requires. Take a risk! Assume you have permission until you get shot down. And then smile graciously and move on.
Finally, once you’ve built that intimacy, don’t regress. I see people all the time who take a relationship to the next level – say, with a long, slow dinner or a serious conversation – and then they immediately revert to their old, business-focused relationship and forget to nurture the newer, deeper relationship. Creating a lifelong community of colleagues, contacts, and friends means committing yourself to a relationship to the entire individual, not just the business you’ll transact together.
If you want to create a really dynamite network, you have to really follow through when you say, “I’d like to get to know you.”
What have you learned from playing (or watching) your favorite sport?
I pulled this great success story from the Relationship Masters Academy forums and used it to create some specific takeaways for you guys.
The success story is Leah Grant’s. She’s an RMA coach with her own independent practice, and she’s taking the program herself. She wrote the following to share what happened on one of her “missions”:
I asked my CPA out to lunch. I had never met her because my bookkeeper always dealt with her. She arrived a little stiff and had brought her laptop thinking I wanted to go over my taxes. I chose a quaint fish shack with outdoor tables, paper towels as napkins and a great ocean view for us to meet. When I told her I just wanted to get to know her, she completely perked up and said none of her clients had ever invited her out to get to know her. We had a fun lunch and she hooked me up with two new potential clients and we made plans to get together with her husband and my boyfriend this summer.
Here are three takeaways from Leah’s mission success:
1. Don’t be afraid to take the first step in making a relationship more personal. Nine times out of ten people are pleased – sometimes even honored – that you cared to get to know them.
2. Turn over every stone when building your network. Have you ever thought that your CPA might be a business or career resource for you? What other people in your life have you failed to get to know well enough to learn how you might help each other, outside of your professionally prescribed relationship?
3. To build intimacy, get someone out of their normal space. Break bread together, and forget the fancy! You’re better off taking the leap at your favorite fish shack than somewhere you picked out of Zagat because you thought it would be impressive.
So go out there and try it! Share your ideas in the comments for who and how you could try this approach.
Did anyone else catch the Scientific American Article, “How Science Can Help You Fall in Love?"
The authors give us 10 new “technologies” for building intimacy. I took one look and realized they could be easily adapted to creating intimacy in any relationship, not just romantic ones.
Remember, the more you can deepen intimacy in a professional relationship, the more that person will want to help you, and the more you’ll want to help them. Deep reciprocity is an unstoppable force that can transform your career and your life.
Here’s my top five favorite technologies for building intimacy, adapted from the article.
1. Arousal
No, I’m not talking about the bedroom. Studies by researchers such as psychologist Arthur Aron of Stony Brook University show that people tend to bond emotionally when aroused, say, through exercise, adventures or exposure to dangerous situations. Roller coaster, anyone? I like to bring people into Barry’s Bootcamp in LA for an over-the-top workout, followed by brunch. It’s a great way to quickly escalate intimacy.
2. Proximity & Familiarity
Studies by Stanford University social psychologists Leon Festinger and Robert Zajonc and others conclude that simply being around someone tends to produce positive feelings. In the old days I would “stalk” my targets – in a good way – by following them around to different conferences and always being there to speak to them, before they went on stage. If you can’t be with the person physically, then connecting with them and engaging them via social media is the next best thing.
3. Humor
Any experienced sales person can tell you about the power of humor in sales. Humor puts people at ease, they let down their defenses. Research has shown that the simple act of smiling elevates mood and disposition. Humor can be tricky though, because you run the risk of offending someone if you cross over the line. You need to gauge the other person’s tolerance and adjust your humor accordingly. Now go and make someone smile!
4. Novelty
Psychologist Greg Strong of Florida State University, Aron and others have shown that people tend to grow closer when they are doing something new. Novelty heightens the senses and also makes people feel vulnerable. Getting someone out of their regular environment is a critical part of how I accelerate intimacy during meetings. Even if it’s just to go grab a cup of coffee – invite the other person along. Do something out of the ordinary together.
5. Self-Disclosure
Research by Aron, Sprecher and others indicates that people tend to bond when they share secrets with each other. Once again, the key here is allowing oneself to be vulnerable. Instead of bragging about your achievements, discuss the struggles you’ve overcome. This allows people to see that you’re human and they will feel less guarded around you.
So go ahead – get intimate at work! I think you’ll find it’s productive.
Which technologies have you used in the past to create intimacy?
Also, got ideas for “Great Relationships” images I can use on the FG site?
LinkedIn Recommendations are a great - and totally free - way to help connections out. Don't wait for people to ask for your recommendation - pay it forward!
Here are three tips to give particularly great recs - and believe me, they will be appreciated. You'd be surprised at how long someone will remember your spontaneous generosity.
1. Be concrete. Which recommendation is better: "Keith Ferrazzi is a great consultant," or, "Keith Ferrazzi's work on my networking strategy lead to a 30% jump in revenue over six months." Be as specific as you can, focusing on results whenever possible.
2. Remember their brand. Before you write a testimonial, scrutinize your contact's profile and any other online presence carefully. Look for clues to the brand and value propositions they're already trying to communicate, and mirror them in your testimonial. Of course, make sure your testimonial speaks genuinely and specifically to the experience you've had!!
3. Go pro by using an editor. There's nothing worse than getting a LinkedIn rec full of grammatical errors and typos -- posting it would make the recipient look bad, and puts them in the awkward position of having to turn down a kindly-intended offer. So after writing a rec, give it to an eagle-eyed wordsmith for an edit.
Why not recommend three contacts today?
Please share your tips for great recommendations in the comments!
This post is drawn from material in my Relationship Masters Academy. The pilot class is full, but you can sign up to be on the list for June founding membership.
Meghna heads up the High Impact Teams consulting practice at Ferrazzi Greenlight with Keith. She is based in New York City. If you have questions or want to increase your team's impact, contact her at mmajmudar at ferrazzigreenlight dot com.
As I explore accountability further, I've had to own my weaknesses, which means being more honest with myself and others -- a.k.a., vulnerable. As difficult as this sounds, it’s actually been liberating. Exposing this side of myself has been rocket fuel for deepening my relationships, at work and at home!
Here are two major benefits I've noticed since exploring increased vulnerability:
1. Living authentically frees up new reserves of energy. I didn’t realize how much effort I put into trying to be slightly different from who I am. It takes work, day in and day out! Own your shortcomings and all that extra energy that used to go into covering things up can now be used for more productive activities. Plus, it's much easier to get guidance when you put all your cards on the table.
2. Let the emotion show (at the appropriate time), and people will really care. Recently, I signed up for personal development course targeted toward women. Usually, I wouldn’t share this type of information at work, especially with male colleagues, because it feels so personal. However, I was so excited about the course, I couldn’t help but tell the everybody in the office during a social break one afternoon, including two male partners! Now everyone checks in on my progress and it’s a real pleasure to talk about something that is meaningful to me.
It’s amazing how the mindsets feed into and build on each other – and I’d love to hear your stories about exploring your more vulnerable side at work!
Pinging - a quick check in via email or text - is an invaluable tool to keep yourself on the radar of the people who you care about. Sometimes pinging needs to be one-on-one to build the relationship. Other times you can SCALE your outreach, sending a message to multiple contacts.
Group pings are a recommended practice, provided that you don’t make the NUMBER ONE MISTAKE IN PINGING: Lack of transparency! Don’t try to mask a group email as a one-on-one communication. Always be completely clear who’s receiving your message. That doesn't mean you should cc everyone; always be careful to keep other’s emails private by using bcc, with your own email in the "To" line. Just make the fact that you're writing to a group clear in your writing.
A couple more rules to make sure that your scaled pings are building the relationship, not damaging it:
• Make sure the message is of interest to everyone who gets it
• Balance this less personal outreach with a level of one on one contact appropriate to the relationship
BTW, pinging is covered in an entire course in my Relationship Masters Academy, launching soon.
Have you ever accidentally made a pinging faux pas? - or been on the receiving end of one?
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Keith Ferrazzi is an expert on relationship development, a world-renowned speaker and the #1 New York Times Bestselling author of Never Eat Alone and Who's Got Your Back.-
Relationship Masters Academy
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