Hope you enjoy this guest post today from a friend of RMA, Jim Kukral, who has a new book out, Attention! This Book Will Make You Money. To add my two cents, one of the easiest routes to go from average to remarkable is to seek to be TRULY generous to others in your work. Figure out what others need and live to serve! -KF
If You Want To Be Someone Remarkable, You Have To DO Something Remarkable
Jim Kukral
There was a time in my career when I was jealous of successful people. I was of course working my butt off every day, yet I wasn't getting to where I wanted to be. It was difficult for me to sit back and watch so many people achieve the success I wanted, yet somehow I couldn't seem to duplicate it.
Frustrating to say the least. Until I finally realized that it's not always about hard work. It's about doing the right kind of hard work.
I get emails every day from people who say things like, "I've been blogging for 2-years and I can't make money." Or, "I can't get traffic to my weight-loss affiliate site, what am I doing wrong?"
The answer is always the same. Sure, you're working hard, but what you're working on isn't working. It's not their fault either. The Web has created millions of new millionaires, some legit, and some scammy. But because the opportunity is so great, and so accessible by everyone, there is a bogus line of thinking that prevails to people just starting out. And that that is that all you have to do to be successful online is put up some junky affiliate landing page or write a blog and you can quit your job and live the life of your dreams.
Unfortunately, it was never that easy, and never will be that easy. The truth is that if you want to reach the level of success you want, then you're going to have to start thinking differently. Being remarkable means that you are doing something remarkable. Don't just write a blog about technology. Be the top technology blogger in the world! Make daily videos reviewing products. Create audio podcasts with industry experts. Write a free eBook about your readers biggest technology issues and give it a way for free. Leverage your new wave of massive readers/viewers/listeners into signups for your email list or a book deal from a major publisher.
In other words... get to work.
Surround yourself with successful people. Remarkable people. Ask them to be your mentor. Watch how hard they work. Watch them continue to focus on providing the utmost highest-quality, problem-solving content they can muster. Understand that the reason they are successful and remarkable is because all of those things. Once you do, you'll see the path clearly. Then take your first step toward your future.
For over 15-years, Jim Kukral has helped small businesses and large companies like Fedex, Sherwin Williams, Ernst & Young and Progressive Auto Insurance understand how find success on the Web. Jim is the author of the book, "Attention! This Book Will Make You Money", as well as a professional speaker, blogger and Web business consultant. Find out more by visiting www.JimKukral.com. You can also follow Jim on Twitter @JimKukral.
I got this e-mail recently from former TV actor Bryan Buffinton, who has launched a new career as a financial services provider – an amazing testament to how much your life can change when you learn to ask for help! - KF
I was once an Emmy-nominated teen star on Guiding Light. Today I’m a much happier man with a new career I enjoy at a financial services firm in Tampa. How’d I make that transition?
Back when I was acting, I never thought for a second that I would be doing anything else for the rest of my life. But then I graduated from college and started having trouble finding gigs. I began to panic. Who was I if I wasn't an actor? I had never felt validated because of the attention and celebrity, but then when it was gone it made me feel like a failure.
After reading Never Eat Alone, I made a concerted effort to evaluate my life and where I was headed. I sat down for an entire weekend and thought, thought some more, and thought yet again and realized that in order to move forward, I had to come face to face with what I realized was a major fear of asking for help.
During my TV years, I became close with so many great actors, directors, and producers. I had this vast network of people who had watched me grow up and were practically surrogate parents to me. They all would have jumped at the chance to help me out. But I refused to make even one call, despite my own mother urging me to do so. I had this misguided notion that if someone helped me get to where I wanted to go, my life would be tainted. I saw a helping hand as no different than a hand out.
After 9/11, I, like many others, lost a lot of money in mutual funds. As a result, I decided that I wanted to know more about how money worked. Soon after reading Keith’s book, I moved to Tampa and my girlfriend introduced me to a friend of hers through a BNI (Business Networking International) group. He invited me to a few classes he was teaching and before I knew it I was studying and getting licensed to teach the unique financial strategies and concepts I had learned.
For the last couple of years I have been working with a financial services firm in Tampa. I am also now the President of Referral Connection, a BNI chapter in Wesley Chapel, FL. Because I am building and growing my practice, I have had to learn to ask for help every chance I get. I have to remind myself constantly that the instinct in me to want to help others also exists in other good caring people. It's the most challenging time of my life but I feel like I've found something really special.
Never Eat Alone has honestly helped me by enhancing my excitement about the future and replacing my fear of help with a vigor to give help where I am able to give it and not be afraid to ask for help. Things have changed dramatically for me, and although I know I have a long way to go, I look forward to the journey now.
Meghna heads up the High Impact Teams consulting practice at Ferrazzi Greenlight with Keith. She is based in New York City. If you have questions or want to increase your team's impact, contact her at mmajmudar@ferrazzigreenlight.com.
I had the pleasure of listening in on a call with Marshall Goldsmith, talking about his new book, Mojo, in which he shares what it takes to create more happiness and meaning at work and in your personal life. I’ve been doing a fair amount of personal growth work lately and his comments brought up some best practices for making these transformational changes stick.
1. Change your behavior AND your self-definition – I used to get feedback about not being as business-driven and analytical as I could be. It wasn't that I wasn't systematic in my approach or didn't know my numbers - it was that despite those things, I had a long time belief that I wasn't at heart a businesswoman. Acting the part wasn't enough - I was nervous, and my supervisors and colleagues could sense it. I needed to change my self-definition and believe in myself in that capacity. Once I had done that, I stopped hearing the negative feedback.
2. Make sure your comments are in the best interest of those around you – there’s a tendency to hit people on the head with what you’re learning and be judgmental. As Marshall shared, the best advice he’s given to CEOs is to ask if the comments they are about to share will help the person you’re speaking with. If not, save it.
3. Helping others also increases your own momentum – People often talk about ending friendships as part of the personal growth process. Sometimes it's necessary to "pull the weeds," as Keith says in Who's Got Your Back, so that their roots don't strangle the growth of flowers. But why not first give people a chance to come with you by making a commitment to sharing and helping those around you? I’ve been trying this with my friends and am amazed by the growth in the relationships themselves. All of us are happier and finding more meaning in our lives.
What about you? What best practices do you have for making changes stick?
I was never afraid of failure, for I would sooner fail than not be among the best. – John Keats
There are people who don't think twice about addressing a room full of new people, a table of potential clients, or an attractive single in a bar.
Then there are the rest of us. But in a world of relentless competition, you can't afford to let social anxiety hold you back. It's wasted opportunity. So what to do?
For many people, the fear of meeting others is closely tied to the fear of public speaking (a fear that consistently beats out death as the one thing we dread most). Some of the world’s most famous speakers admit to feeling similar anxiety. Marcus Buckingham, for example, who's addressed thousands as a speaker and millions as a guest on Oprah has said that he gets "throw-up nervous" before every engagement.
Try these three steps to tame your natural anxiety:
1. Acknowledge that your fear is perfectly normal. You are not alone – and fear is not an excuse for inaction.
2. Recognize that getting over that fear is critical to your success. The choice isn’t between success and failure; it’s between choosing risk and striving for greatness, or risking nothing and being certain of mediocrity.
3. Commit to getting better. How? Some ideas:
• Find a role model. Have your most gregarious friend wingman for you at a few events. Watch what they do, and over time, adopt their techniques as your courage builds.
• Learn to speak. Join an organization such as Toastmasters that gives you the chance to practice in a non-intimidating environment, with an instructor who can guide and push you.
• Get involved. You’ll feel most comfortable when you’re doing something you enjoy with others who share your enthusiasm. So become an active member in a club or organization, and ultimately take on a leadership role.
• Just do it. Set a goal for yourself of initiating a meeting with one new person a week. It doesn’t matter where or with whom. Introduce yourself to someone on the bus. Slide up next to someone at the bar and say hello. Hang out at the company water cooler and force yourself to talk to a fellow employee you’ve never spoken with. You’ll
find that it gets easier and easier with practice.
As you reach out to others, don’t worry about failure! As the playwright Samuel Beckett wrote, “Fail, fail again. Fail better.” Fear debilitates. Once you realize there’s no benefit to holding back, every situation and every person—no matter how seemingly beyond your reach—becomes an opportunity to succeed.
What are your tried and true tricks to bust through nervousness while speaking to a group?
Greenlight Atlanta Leader Hammad Khan - on a roller coaster
Keith met Hammad Khan in Atlanta on the WGYB Tour - he heads up the Greenlight Community group there. We asked him to write up his story after he told Keith that by using the principles in NEA and WGYB, he had gone from being a newly-hired engineering co-op to leading one of the largest engineering teams in his organization. He also lost over forty pounds, can now run two miles in 13 minutes, and recently scored a 300/300 in the Army Physical Fitness Test (APFT).
Here's his story.
How I Lost 40 Pounds and Met My Financial Goals with the Help of Lifelines and Others
By Hammad Khan
Like Keith, I grew up poor, and also like Keith, my parents worked as hard as they could to make sure I was in the best schools they could afford. Consequently, I put on blinders, worked as hard as I could, and focused on getting what everyone around me seemed to have: a house with 2.7 cars, a white picket fence, and a nice job.
About three years ago, I arrived. About two years ago, I realized that the hype may have been overstated.
The thing is, I define myself by my achievements. I’ve always been a ferociously goal-driven person. However, I didn’t have the framework to monitor progress or to think holistically about what goals would make me happy. The end result? Frustration.
For example, while working through school, I had focused on nothing outside getting The Grades, The Job, The House, The Car and The Life. I had sacrificed everything, including my health, in getting there. No problem, thought I: I’ll just set a goal to be in shape by such-and-such time. Accordingly, I would work out and diet, and after a week or so, I would get frustrated at the lack of results, and… stop. I would watch my deadline get bigger as it got closer, watch my pants get smaller, and get increasingly aggravated about how I couldn’t do anything about it.
As another example, I had ambitious financial goals, but they were formulated within the “get a good job” framework. As such, when the economy tanked and my pay was frozen, I saw my goal slink away, out of reach. The worst part, by far? I couldn’t do anything about it!
I really, really don’t react well to situations where I feel powerless -- goal-driven, achievement-oriented people rarely do. You wouldn’t believe the stress. I was in a place of absolute frustration, imprisoned by self-imposed helplessness, watching my financial and physical goals shrink further away. Steinbeck says, “Man is the only kind of varmint who sets his own trap, baits it, then steps in it.” I sure felt like I had stepped in it.
About a year ago, I decided it was time to fix things. A mentor recommended Never Eat Alone. I picked up a copy, and couldn’t put it down. Not only did the book provide a framework for goal-setting and tracking, but if offered a novel idea so straightforward that I was annoyed I hadn’t thought of it myself: How about using one’s network to help?
The first part, as per Keith’s advice, was to set goals. That’s fine, I already had goals. Wait, no! I had goals with nebulous timeframes. Those aren’t goals. At best, they’re ambitious dreams; at worst, they are little more than wishful thinking.
That weekend, I took a few hours and distilled goals out of my dreams. I knew where I wanted to be in “about five years,” so that was easy enough to turn into a five-year goal. Then, working backwards from there, I got a three-year goal, and then a one-year goal. From a one-year goal, it was easy enough to build monthly and quarterly milestones.
That exercise complete, I looked proudly at the spreadsheet splayed out before me, and felt the warm thud of reality kick. By the end of the month, I needed to make about three times as much as I did, and I needed to be twice as healthy. D’oh.
Clearly, this wasn’t working. As tendrils of frustration tickled the base of my neck, I realized I was missing a piece: the Personal Board of Directors.
The next few months were difficult. I renewed relationships should never have let wither, and had difficult meetings with mentors and friends. Finally, I ended up with two groups of three people: one to help with financial goals, another to help with physical goals. (Discovering these friends was both challenging and rewarding, and could alone be the subject of a second article.)
Over coffee and snacks, we reviewed my goals. Entirely due to my little group of friends, I realized that my financial and physical goals were not out of reach at all. Because four heads are smarter than one, I realized that if anything, I had been too conservative. I just lacked the tools and the knowledge to achieve the goals I envisioned! My Board of Directors, however, was more than happy to show me the way. All I had to do was get the work done. Well, bring it on! I’ve never once been scared of work!
It’s been about a year since then. I’m in better shape than I have ever been in my life, and I’m on track to meet financial goals that just sixteen months ago I would have sworn were impossible. In the process, I’ve met friends and found mentors who will stay with me for the rest of my life.
Most importantly, the frustration, the poison that comes from feeling caged and helpless, is gone. When I feel those familiar tendrils of frustration tickle the base of my neck, when I get impatient, I just check The Plan. I’m usually where I need to be. If not, it’s just a small adjustment. Like Warren Buffett’s snowball, a small adjustment now results in a big change five years later.
It’s critical to realize that while I’m where I need to be, I didn’t get here by myself. In fact I simply couldn’t have. Alone, I didn’t have the merest inkling of how, or a fraction of the resources. Steinbeck is right: Man does spring his own trap. But what he doesn’t mention is that man is also capable of finding others to help get him out. Without them, getting out is simply not possible.
Hi, Ryan here, with some more interview footage from the tour.
Charley Timmins and Steve Bauer created their own Lifeline Group - or something like one, since they a) created it before WGYB came out and b) used a facilitator. As a refresher, a Lifeline Group is a concept Keith introduces in WGYB. It's a group of peers who meet regularly to help each other succeed at goals through generosity, vulnerability, candor, and accountability.
Charles and Steve began their with the intention of bettering themselves professionally, personally and spiritually. They have been meeting now for about one year.
Charley makes sure we know it’s no small feat to create one of these groups. “It’s hard work,” he says. But it’s also one of the most valuable and rewarding experiences he’s ever had in his professional career. Charley also urges the use of a facilitator. Keith doesn’t think a facilitator is required for peer groups - ultimately the idea is to depend on each other, and that everyone in the group is equally a facilitator - but he certainly recognizes the value one can offer. Having everyone read WGYB is another way to help launch the group!
Some tips from Charley:
1. A lifeline group is hard work – You need to constantly challenge each other to dig deeper and uncover your true passions, motivations and goals
2. Meet 2 times per month, 4 hours each time. We usually meet at a group member’s house.
3. Form your group with about 6 people
4. Use a facilitator to learn what questions to ask each other in order to “dive deep”
5. Choose a facilitator wisely – find a small business strategy consultant and test them out in a preliminary meeting to see if they know what questions to ask in order to get to the root of your organization’s vision and goals. If so, you have a good candidate for a Lifeline Group facilitator.
These are great tips from the field – thanks Charley. If you want Keith’s official methodology and guide on how form your own Lifeline Group, complete with minute-by-minute walkthroughs of your first few meetings, download the companion guide to Who’s Got Your Back here!
People today are shortchanging themselves — that’s the silent tragedy of economic recession. The 5 to 10 percent of Americans who are unemployed and struggling lead the headlines, understandably. But how about those with jobs? The crappy employment market reduces people’s expectations around satisfaction, advancement, and pay. “Just be glad you have a job” rolls off everyone’s tongue and suddenly you’re stagnating.
Photo: dailystrong.com
Earlier this week I suggested one possible remedy, what I call "drafting" off your work goals in Who's Got Your Back - trying to find ways to make work goals serve your personal goals.
Now I put the question to you: Are you experiencing "recession depression" in your workplace? How are you fighting it? What are you doing to continue to grow personally and professionally despite obstacles to progress?
Yesterday I went to the coolest gym EVER in Dallas! (I talk about it in the video below.) It’s called Doug’s Gym. Doug is 78 years old, has never been to a doctor, and has been a free weight proponent his entire life – no weight machines in this gym. If I had to describe it myself, I’d say it looks like a cross between a gym and a homeless shelter.
I’m going back today and am recording a segment on “How to Outsource Your Workout,” special appearance by Doug himself! Man is a living legend.”
Shawn Hunter, exec. producer of the excellent online Leadership Development channel, has a piece up on LottaGuru that describes a few moments of my seminar in Philly.
Also I've got a piece up on BusinessWeek.com on taking your job hunt from pity party to party hardy. Big thanks to Abhijit Shanker who made the piece possible by coming to my NY event and telling us his story.
generous to others in your work. Figure out what others need and live to serve! -KF
Meghna heads up the High Impact Teams consulting practice at Ferrazzi Greenlight with Keith. She is based in New York City. If you have questions or want to increase your team's impact, contact her at mmajmudar@ferrazzigreenlight.com.
I was never afraid of failure, for I would sooner fail than not be among the best. – John Keats
