I want to share RMAer Jacob Hinmon’s success story because it’s such a great textbook example of Relationship Mastery.

Jacob:

•         Built his network before he needed it.
•         Led with generosity.
•         Consistently followed up with regular pinging and outreach.
•         Now is reaping the rewards – a great opportunity to build his reputation along with new client relationships through thought leadership!

Jacob’s Story:

Last Thursday I had lunch with one of my top contacts as part of my "Long Slow Dinner" RMA mission. This guy is an Art Director at an interactive agency in Portland that I would love to work with, in addition to this, he helps put on a three-day annual conference called "The New Communicators". Last year I had volunteered to help out by videotaping one of the events. Since then, I've stayed in touch with him periodically.

As we were eating, I spoke with him again about my passion for using video to tell compelling stories. He responded well to it, and reminded me that this was something I'd been talking about for a while. He mentioned that "The New Communicators" conference was coming up again and this might be a good platform for me to get the word out on what it is I do. I'm not generally the type of person to speak in front of an audience or to be the focus of an event. As silly as it sounds, one of my great fears is throwing a party where no one shows up.

But as a result of our discussion, I outlined a presentation that will not only showcase my work, but also incorporate others in a discussion on the potential of compelling video storytelling in an increasingly scattered social media world. In fact, that's the name of my presentation, "Narrative Storytelling in a Social Media World."

Now, I'm busy putting together a final video piece to showcase. I'm no expert on promotion or self-promotion. So, if anyone has any tips on how to get as diverse a group to this event as possible I would love to hear some ideas.

I am hoping that this will be a launching pad for me and my video work into the forefront of the Portland market. I don't want to let this opportunity pass!

Who has tips for Jacob – how can he raise a crowd at his presentation?

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“Build it before you need it.”

That was one of the most important operating principles in Never Eat Alone – the idea that building your network and deepening relationships shouldn’t – in fact, CAN’T – be a machine that you fire up when you suddenly need a new job. Putting time and energy into relationship building should be a lifestyle constant.

The question is how to do that, on a typical day when the alarm clock rings and you’re off to a running start in a race that ends when your head hits the pillow?

Here’s my solution: Ritualize relationship building. Create a system of simple activities that you carry out over time as habits – and that become as essential and basic to your being as your morning cup of coffee.

Here are five ideas to inspire your own personal “Relationship Rituals” checklist:

1.    First thing every day after you turn on your computer, ping one friend and one acquaintance.

2.    Every weekend, invite someone else into an activity that you normally do alone (walks, gym sessions, gardening, shopping trips).

3.    Pick a day for a weekly check-in with a colleague/associate/friend, during which you share a success, a challenge, and make a commitment for the upcoming week.

4.    Every Friday, send a broadcast – status update, blog post, Tweet, etc.

5.    Host a monthly dinner or happy hour.

Ultimately, everyone’s list of rituals will be unique, customized to your specific network, goals, and lifestyle. The important thing is that every week, hell or highwater, you’re acting on them.

Now tell me: What’s your best relationship ritual, that you’re either practicing now or want to start?

Everyone share something! Then we’ll have a great bank to choose from.

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A success story from RMAer Roger Lum! Roger is the COO at FastTrack Fundraising. I love the “aha” moment people have when they realize that business is never more successful or more fun than when it’s personal. -Keith

While doing the LinkedIn project, part of Lesson 4 in RMA, I reconnected with someone in the fundraising industry.  She was in the process of selling her website.  It was the perfect acquisition and I thought I was too late because she was already in the sales process.  The sale she was in the middle of ended up falling through.  I made a bid and it’s pretty much a done deal!  This acquisition will conservatively increase our sales for the year 25-30%.

The funny thing is that the central topic of our conversation was the recent birth of her son, and my son who was at the time on the way (he is here now!).  Personal relationships truly equal business relationships.

The best part about it is that she is a great person and she is happy to sell her heart and soul to a company that she knows and who will take care of her business.

I think the greatest gift of this class is that premeditated positioning doesn't necessarily equate into fakeness. The reason I called her was because she is a leader in the industry but my goal from the conversation wasn't to GAIN anything in particular.  The sale was a bonus from reconnecting with a great contact.

Share your networking success stories.

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When you take on a new administrative assistant, you train them to use your computer and phone system. To understand the intricacies of your schedule. To handle all manner of paperwork.

But do you train them to help you manage your relationships?

You sure should! Here’s 10 tips to share with your admin (or, if you’re an admin yourself, to put into practice), that will ensure that your calls are scheduled quickly, your meetings are put on the priority list, and that great first impression of you and your company is already made before you walk through the door. And make sure to read them yourself: Some of the tips start with you. -- KF

1. An admin should constantly ask her/himself the question: How can I make my fellow gatekeepers lives easier? How can I do the same for their bosses?

2. Bosses: Ask questions while you’re at meetings and relay the info back to your admin to leverage in his or her future communication: What are the interests/passions of your target’s assistant? You need to be the eyes/ears for opportunities for your admin to build the relationship.

3. Admins: When adding agenda items for meetings in your bosses’ calendar, add the name of the target’s admin and personal info so your boss can speak with familiarity and respect for the admin, not just the person he’s meeting with.

4. Send live flowers instead of cut flowers, especially orchids. They last longer.

5. Proactive, thoughtful gifts like Starbucks cards with a handwritten note go a long way.  Even better, something that reflects your brand – but only if it’s truly generous.

6. Call other admins and ask for advice on issues that you need a benchmark for.  Everyone wants to help, and everyone is flattered that their opinion matters.

7. One easy routine outreach – birthdays.

8. Volunteer to them what makes your boss tick, so they will reciprocate by offering some insight into their own boss – the more you know about a target contact, the easier it is to connect and care.

9. Smile while making calls – it affects your tone! Phone demeanor should never be “business as usual.” Every call is an opportunity to share some positive energy.

10. Start an internal executive assistant peer group that meets on a regular basis with a focus on networking and practice sharing. Inviting an executive guest can create additional opportunities to learn about companywide initiatives.  Share and promote the progress you have made and your best practices with others.

What special tricks have you passed on to your admin to help him or her do a better job managing the relationship side of your business?

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When you are trapped at an event where people are milling around, acting formal and sterile and unwilling to open up to genuine relationship building, scrap any negative reaction ("I shoulda stayed home") and instead anoint yourself as the event's host, even if only in your own head.

Imagining that it is your role to help other guests break through gives you permission to act a little bit differently - you're acting in service of the entire event to make sure everyone has a good time.  Assume an aura of relaxed self-assurance while you make sure everyone has a drink and someone to talk to.  Find out what they're looking to do and who they're looking to meet and make introductions.  Start conversations.

Even if it is not in your basic DNA to be the life of the party, appointing yourself to the “job” of making sure that the event is a success can be the kick in the pants you need to inject some energy into a failing function. Whether or not you're able to transform the event, you'll certainly transform your own experience of it.

How have you transformed a bad networking event?

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I crowd-sourced this week's email newsletter by asking the RMA class for their BEST networking tips as part of our weekly contest. We got dozens, then picked the top ten. And I couldn't help adding one of my own.

10 Great Networking Tips from the Relationship Masters Academy

1. The best advice I received recently was on e-mail etiquette. I was coached never to use the word "I" until the third sentence. It sounds harder than you think. After about five revisions I finally nailed it, sent the cold e-mail to the most prominent attorney in the county who I had never met, got the lunch meeting 1st request, and walked out of a 90 minute meeting with a retainer check in hand. That never happened in the short 8 years of my business. So, stay away from "I" ! - Eric Frazer

2. My best networking tip is volunteering yourself to the top. The power of serving a community or faith based organization puts networking connections and relationships on a different level. Although it doesn’t generate any income for me directly, volunteering has given me the opportunity to meet new people, nurture new relationships, and build my referral network.  I’d highly recommend it! - JP Finnell

3. The best networking advice I ever received was from my late mother, who told me that if I wanted to have a good time I would.  She's right. - Lucy

4. Never take counsel from your fears. Whenever I was called in to see someone, I always made a point to tell myself that it was because I had done something wonderful, so that I would walk into any meeting with a positive attitude. Even if the discussion turned out to be negative, I was so positive that I remained strong and could deal with the situation. - Sam B. Bruce

5. My best networking advice comes from my four-year-old son. START WITH A COMPLIMENT. Whenever he wants me to carry him (or do anything for him) he simply starts with a compliment. “Daddy you are strong, will you carry me up the stairs?” I could have another one of my kids already in my arms with bags of groceries, but I will find a way to carry him since he complimented my abilities. I have practiced this a few times in my professional networks and it has worked with great success. - Luke Thompson

6. If you're always thinking about ways to grow your relationships, you gotta use the tools that make it easy. Every time I meet someone, I follow-up with a LinkedIn invitation (rather than a note/email). They get to see everything about me and vice versa - including shared connections and other data that can really jump-start your new relationship. - Curt Ewald

7. My best tip came from my uncle, who told me never to be afraid to call anyone. But the 2nd "best" tip was from a former boss... who once said to me, "When things get crazy, it's time to get annoying!" His thought process was that the more annoying you are, the harder you were trying, the more effective you were going to be making sales.  I do NOT subscribe to this theory.  However, it is a phrase that helped me clarify my own position and philosophy on interpersonal interactions and professional development.  - D. Jackson

8. You are going to laugh but mine is from Bridget Jones's Diary (I love that movie). In it Bridget was told to introduce people with "thoughtful detail." So, when I introduce two people I try to make sure that I explain who this person, what they do, and something about them personally that the other person might be interested in. It makes their conversation easier, as I'm breaking the ice. - Greta Zeimetz

9. The distance between levels of success is usually a person, not time, because time is not a teacher. - Steven Gundersen

10. My best networking advice is also good life advice: "Make high integrity commitments, both to yourself and to others -- and keep every one of them." - Matthew Clement

11. To create a deeper relationship with a colleague or associate, get the person away from their desk - the farther you get the, the nicer they'll be. - Keith Ferrazzi

Now share your own best networking tip!

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Here’s a quick and easy way to differentiate yourself from the crowd at events: Remember people’s names after a single introduction. Sure, it’s a small thing, but remembering a name tells someone that they made a memorable impression, and that you cared enough to remember them.

Remembering names can be a challenge – you’re taking in a lot of stimuli when you meet someone new, or even several people at once – but with a few tricks, you can make huge progress!

A guide:

1.    Make a choice to care. What I consider a kind of “first principle” of relationship building applies here. If you make a conscious decision that you are going to remember names, because you care about the people you meet, you will immediately become much better at doing it!

2.    Picture the name written across their forehead. Think that sounds dumb? It’s not. It was a trick used by Franklin Roosevelt and he amazed his staff with how well he remembered names.

3.    Listen to the name of the person you are being introduced to. If you don’t hear the name clearly the first time, ask them to repeat it. Again, this seems obvious, but some of you are so convinced you aren’t going to remember that you don’t even listen in the first place!

4.    Repeat the name as soon as possible. You can either repeat it as a confirmation, “Joe, right?” or in conversation, “Nice to meet you, Joe.”  Either way, say it aloud and look the person in the eyes, too.

5.    Use word or picture associations to make the person-name combination more memorable. For someone named Joy, picture her with a huge smile on her face, glowing with happiness.  Imagine Sandy on a beach.  Maybe Mike is singing karaoke. The more unusual the picture, the more memorable. Be creative!

Use these techniques the next time you are introduced to a new friend - commit to remembering and make it happen -  and more meaningful connections will be yours.

Do you have any great tricks for remembering names? I’d love to hear them!

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Here’s a tip for times when you feel like your pipeline could use some more pressure:

Reconnect with superconnectors.

A superconnector is someone who’s not only willing to introduce you to other members of his or her network, but whose network reaches across traditional industry lines. Professions rich with superconnectors include PR, law, and politics.

Take a look at your key contacts and think about who introduced you to past or even just prospective clients – these are your superconnectors.

When was the last time you had a meal or a coffee with those individuals? When was the last time you were generous? If you’ve fallen out of touch, renew the relationship, pronto!

Other tips do you have to fill your pipeline? Share.

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Nothing like a good employment success story to brighten a Thursday.

Andrea Goldstein started a Who's Got Your Back-style lifeline group focused on her job search. Read what happened below!

How I Turned My Job Hunt into a Team Effort
Andrea Goldstein, Digital Marketing Consultant

Every week, I take about two hours out of my day to meet some friends at a local coffee place. We’re not there gossiping about our social lives or the latest episode of “The Real Housewives of NYC,” (although that occasionally comes up in conversation!) but to talk about our search for meaningful employment.

The group is composed of a few women I’ve met through mutual friends or volunteering with various non-profit organizations.  Due to the state of the economy, I have not had any problems recruiting people to join.  Our first meeting had eight women, now we are down to five. Some have found full-time employment, contract work or internships, so it’s always bittersweet when someone “graduates” since each person brings their own insights, energy and experience to the group.

I saw Keith speak during his book tour for Who’s Got Your Back.  What resonated with me was when he spoke about the importance of having people around you who want you to succeed but are also candid enough to tell you when you are getting in your own way. I was lucky enough to find a group of like-minded women who were willing to take Keith’s four mindsets and put them into action each week.

1.    Generosity – Each week, we take the time listen to each others’ progress, issues we’re facing, or do tactical things like review resumes.  We show our generosity by offering advice, contacts and tips. For example, one of our members told us she had met an influential woman in her target industry at an event several weeks ago.  She asked her to be a mentor and she said she was willing to help.  Soon after, our member became busy with a freelance project and did not follow up.  She was worried that she might have waited too long to follow up and wasn’t sure what the correct approach was.  Each person gave her advice on what to do and she is now excited to reach out to arrange a meeting.

2.    Vulnerability – Each week, we let down our walls.  Nobody feels pressured to put on a happy face and constantly be upbeat.  Job searches are trying even for the most optimistic person. When one of our members did not get the position she was excited about, we gave her advice to keep her search going, rather than letting disappointment derail her from her goal.

3.    Candor – Along with being vulnerable, we are also candid with each other.  One member tried an unorthodox way to get a hiring manager’s attention.  Without going into details, her method failed and she was trying to understand why it happened.  While her idea was creative, it might have been perceived as unprofessional and we were able to get her to see that.

4.    Accountability – This is the primary reason why I started the group.  I needed an organized way of keeping track of the jobs I was applying for, and more importantly, following up.  I created a spreadsheet, updated it weekly with my progress and shared it with the group.  Some have adapted my tracking system to their needs.  Each person has their own way of being accountable – one sends a weekly email with her progress, another created an action plan and sticks to it by giving her verbal updates during our meeting.  There is no “one size fits all” approach; each person does what works for her.

If you are looking for a new opportunity, why not start your own job search group?  Ask your friends or use social media to find others who are willing to take the time to exchange ideas and offer support.  You never know what might come from it. As for me, my job search ended with a gig at FG!

Andrea Goldstein is a digital marketing consultant with Ferrazzi Greenlight, who is currently enrolled in RMA.  She can be found on LinkedIn at http://www.linkedin.com/in/andreagoldstein.

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Failing to make introductions among your contacts is the biggest mistake I see people make as networkers. People try to run their networks like command and control economies, thinking they have the most to gain by remaining the one and only hub. What they’re really doing is limiting the flow of information, and therefore the value of their network to everyone in it – themselves included!

But clearly, sharing contacts does make people nervous, so let’s talk about how we all can get over it. Here’s some concerns I hear a lot.

• “What if I’m taken advantage of, or my contacts are?”

• “Won’t I be giving up good opportunities?”

• “What if they form a closer bond than the one we have?”

First of all, if you’re lucky enough to introduce two contacts who then form a close bond, you’ve hit the lottery! They’ll both remember the gift of that introduction for a long time. You’ve created currency that you can trade in on later.

As for overcoming some of the other fears on that list, here are some more great tips from RMA Coach Stephanie Vora.

1.     Evaluate your network: Assess your individual relationships. Are they meeting your expectations and are you meeting theirs? Can you trust them? If the answer is yes, then you’re also likely to feel comfortable introducing them to others in your network. You’ll know you’re not being take advantage of. You’ll feel a sense of calm and trust yourself to let go of the hoarding instinct.

2.     Is the answer no? Then maybe it’s time to think about whether your network needs pruning. Or it’s time for some candid conversations – how can you increase the levels of trust, mutual respect, and reciprocity?

3.     Pay it forward: Because you have spent the necessary time and energy to get your foundation in place, understanding what your goals are and knowing what types of people make best sense for you, the easier for you to pay it forward and be generous to everyone in your network.

4.     Opportunity in numbers: “There is safety in numbers” is a common expression.” I would like to expand on this and say “there is opportunity in numbers.” The more people you connect to others, the more will connect to you. That’s the secret that makes networks powerful.  So let go and have fun!

Couldn’t have said it better myself! Thanks Stephanie.

Have you been guilty of hoarding contacts in the past?

Find out more about RMA Coach Stephanie Vora on her web site, Vora Coaching.

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