How to Build It Before You Need It, Every Day

Posted on August 10th, 2010 by Keith Ferrazzi

“Build it before you need it.”

That was one of the most important operating principles in Never Eat Alone – the idea that building your network and deepening relationships shouldn’t – in fact, CAN’T – be a machine that you fire up when you suddenly need a new job. Putting time and energy into relationship building should be a lifestyle constant.

The question is how to do that, on a typical day when the alarm clock rings and you’re off to a running start in a race that ends when your head hits the pillow?

Here’s my solution: Ritualize relationship building. Create a system of simple activities that you carry out over time as habits – and that become as essential and basic to your being as your morning cup of coffee.

Here are five ideas to inspire your own personal “Relationship Rituals” checklist:

1.    First thing every day after you turn on your computer, ping one friend and one acquaintance.

2.    Every weekend, invite someone else into an activity that you normally do alone (walks, gym sessions, gardening, shopping trips).

3.    Pick a day for a weekly check-in with a colleague/associate/friend, during which you share a success, a challenge, and make a commitment for the upcoming week.

4.    Every Friday, send a broadcast – status update, blog post, Tweet, etc.

5.    Host a monthly dinner or happy hour.

Ultimately, everyone’s list of rituals will be unique, customized to your specific network, goals, and lifestyle. The important thing is that every week, hell or highwater, you’re acting on them.

Now tell me: What’s your best relationship ritual, that you’re either practicing now or want to start?

Everyone share something! Then we’ll have a great bank to choose from.

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48 Responses so far | Have Your Say!

  1. I try to add at least one person a day on LinkedIn - within my industry or not. And then I follow up with an email once they accept.

    I also actively manage 3 groups on LinkedIn - two directly related to my industry, and one is a corporate alumni group. It helps me keep in touch with colleagues, former bosses, competitors, vendors, clients, trends in the industry, and has helped create my personal brand as an expert in the field.

  2. I write notes. I love nice paper, interesting note cards, and love to buy unique stamps. It's something that delights clients, surprises prospects and my friends have enjoyed my notes for years. As long as I have a way to mail them, I'll be sending notes.

  3. I make it a point to contact everyone in my personal contact list by text, facebook, or calling on a weekly basis. It's amazing how much time it takes (because of how many people I've been friends with), but it's worth it to keep friendships alive.

  4. Maureen McCann says:
    August 10, 2010 at 4:43 am
    Reply

    I race sail boats in a series called "Women in Wind" on Monday nights during the spring, summer, and fall. When winter arrives, the ladies get together on that same evening to ski at one of the local ski hills. It's a great way of expanding the people in my network and enjoy two amazing activities simultaneously!

  5. Hi Keith. Love your ideas. I make it a practice to invite others to attend networking events with me in the philosophy of "Inviting is Marketing"(c). Before attending we discuss what would be good connections for us then we look to make introductions for each other. Once I make a personal contact, I always try to request we connect together on LinkedIn. Our LinkedIn connections are best with those we have had personal contact with.

  6. Every day I re-connect with somebody; send a cheery sms, call or email. I keep connected with people, listen to their needs/ideas and connect them with others.

  7. Beside just pinging people on my IM list each each day to see how they are doing, I make it a standard each holiday i.e. Christmas that every person on my IM list gets a quick "Happy Holidays to you and the Family" This goes a long way as most people respond and really appreciate me taking the time to reach out. This just helps keep that relationship strong. My list is probably 300+ both internal and external in the company.

  8. I try and make a LinkedIn contact everyday and tweet but I just don't feel I am propelling my network forward. With a wife and 2 kids and busy weeknights and weekends, I simply can't make plans to meet other people. You're books Never Eat Alone and Who's Got Your Back are great and inspiring reads. I underlined many passages in each book which were meaningful but now find myself not acting in the wash of daily work and family routines.

    • How about a bbq at your house? I was recently invited to spend time with a business contact's family, and we had the best time. I asked him why we hadn't done it ages ago - and it was because he thought I wouldn't want to hang out with his kids. No way!

  9. As a sales consultant I work with clients all across the country which means across various time zones sometimes making it challenging to connect. What do I do? Well I've incorporated something I do with my friends who live far away and that is setting a time to have coffee (or other beverage of choice). Let me illustrate. I live in Upstate New York . . on Friday morning I'm having coffee with my friend Jackie who lives in Lompoc, California (and no I'm not flying out there). How? We set the date and time, pick our beverage of choice and pick up the phone at the scheduled time and voila . . . we are connecting!

  10. Every day I check my Facebook page to see who is celebrating a birthday (or possibly an anniversary) and send a greeting. I also check any emails I have from my favorite lists--such as Keith's-- and forward those items to people I feel might be interested in the content.

  11. Keith:

    These suggestions are great! Thanks for sharing. I want to incorporate them into my professional and personal life.

    A lot of my business clients are around the country so one of the things I have tried to do is to keep them updated on my business through a blog. I am always thinking about other ways to keep my business in front of them and I am open to suggestions.

  12. Just wrote a blog post on the best job search advice I ever received from a dear friend about 4-5 years ago: Pretend you're fired today. Make a list of all the activities you would do and start doing them while you are working. One of the items on that list is to have a phone call, to share a coffee or to chat over a meal with a colleague, classmate or friend whom you have not seen in a while. It is frankly the best part of my week. Genuinely being interested in what is going on in others lives and having the opportunity to help when appropriate is most fulfilling.

  13. Dear Keith,

    thank you so much for your advice. Perhaps nothing since Carnegie has been so applicable to personal relationships. As a high school student, the need for personal relationships and the ability to differentiate between friends and acquaintances is just as important, if not more important, than in the business culture.

    Also, I heard you're coming up to New York. Any chance it's a public event?

    -Ben

  14. Rebecca MacLean says:
    August 10, 2010 at 6:56 am
    Reply

    I used to have a hard time with this when I was working in an office because I always kept my personal life and my professional life separate. Now that I'm a freelancer, I feel, well, freer! I can add contacts on LinkedIn or Facebook and not worry that they may stumble upon some of my more colorful status updates pertaining to my avocational life as an opera singer, or other personal tidbits.

    In fact I am now actually friends with people I used to work with, now that we don't work together any more!

    I love the virtual life, so I am always looking for ways to add contacts on LinkedIn (where I'm known as an editorial freelancer) and Facebook (where I'm known as a singer). I never know who might need a copy editor. And even if my status updates are so totally not corporate, even a bit colorful, they are always grammatically correct and well written!

  15. Penelope Singer says:
    August 10, 2010 at 7:07 am
    Reply

    Since the department I work in is very small (there are just three of us), I make it a point to invite a colleague in another department to lunch or out for a morning beverage. It's a nice way to connect outside of the office, and easy to do as we're already starting from the same place. Best part is that you gain a wider perspective of what's going on elsewhere than you do with a quick hallway chat, and people are so much more relaxed, so it's easier to make a personal connection.

  16. I'm passionately curious, so I read a lot. What I've found to be valuable to others - and helps keep the network strong - is to send articles / bits of information that add value to their lives. If they're starting a company, I'll send them a thoughtful piece from Fred Wilson. If they're interested in software, a recent Hacker News post that's right up their alley. It's non-financial items of value which are timely, relevant and / or thought-provoking - for me, this has proven to be the best way to stay connected and stay true to the "build it before you need it" philosophy.

  17. I am just beginning to use the many tools you describe in your post. I have just begun a blog so I will use it to keep up with my freinds and to hopefully meet others. Facebook has also helped. I keep becoming reacquainted with lost friends and family. Great tips. Thanks Keith.

  18. Alex Caraballo says:
    August 10, 2010 at 7:55 am
    Reply

    During traffic I take time to connect with friends on my way into work and contact my connections located in the west coast on my way home. I am probably one of those odd people who likes being stuck in traffic because it allows me to get closer to friends.

  19. Becky Walen says:
    August 10, 2010 at 8:44 am
    Reply

    While I can definitely relate to Statton above, building a solid network involves being extra mindful of the time available in the blur of life with work, family, community, etc. It's been a challenge, but you need to figure out what works for you, what activities are musts and what you can live without. I'm very protective of my family time, so make the most of lunch, coffee, and community involvement where I'm representing my company. Last night I combined work and family by participating in between the innings festivities with our local Chamber of Commerce at a baseball game, bringing family along to watch the game and get in good laugh at me goofing off on behalf of the Chamber.
    I've also found that not winding down with TV in the evening leaves time for a lot of other enjoyable, engaging, and relaxing activities.
    I also check LinkedIn daily and pay attention to professional changes, birthdays, anniversaries, etc.

  20. The suggestions are all imminently doable. I'm already doing a version of #4 & #5 - I have a Meetup Group called Let's Build Teams, so I'm committed to at least one regular get together a month. I'd started a version of hosting a happy hour or party - but I'd planned to do an annual barbecue (held my first one in July). But wow, monthly, huh? I'll work on it - that sounds better. Also I do have a blog - http://pinkpassportblog.com - but I am having a time keeping up with the Wednesday posting schedule. Anyway, thanks for the shot in the arm!

  21. Similar to Larisa's comment, I've hosted an annual summer margarita party for the last eight years and invite *everyone*. Each year I add new people I've met throughout the year. I'm surprised at how much social capital it builds. It's a tradition that people look forward to. I almost didn't have the party this year and heard from so many people that it wouldn't be summer without a Gina margarita party.

    Also, like Raquel, I like to send notes on fun note cards. It seems no one gets "real" mail anymore, so they definitely stand out. I try to think of one person every day I can send a short handwritten note to. It only takes a few minutes.

    Love your books and your blog, Keith!

  22. From: ELI JUST (Supernatural Mistery writer: Published).

    I am a recluse author, and I write seven days a week. I try to live by Ben Franklin's addage: 'Early to bed, and early to rise...', etc.
    Other than that I try to follow THE PATH; 24/7, and use the KISS method.

  23. ELI JUST:
    That should have been MYSTERY; not; Mistery. Teach me to muti-task. HA!

  24. ELI JUST:
    Evidently, my website didn't print right. It is: mannyjonesseries.com
    Thanks y'all! I will quit mutitaskin' and take more breaks and go for long rides in the North Georgia Mountaons on my INDIAN Motorcycle. JOY!!!

  25. we throw a smallish little house party about every other week. our fave neighbors, a couple of hangers on, friendsandrelations, and random clients and associates. simple, unplanned menus. often drive by thai, chinese, or pizza. its about getting together and hanging out. intentionally.
    no set start, no set stop.
    we drink, eat, and laugh. alot.
    wish you were here!

  26. Many of these ideas are great. Here's something a little more mechanical. Whenever you ping someone figure out when follow up makes sense - a day, a month, a year - put it in your personal planner NOW with a note to yourself as to the topic and the last ping date (which would be the present) - you might include a phone # and email address so oyu don't have to chase it down - then when that date arrives you have a built in reminder to follow up.

    • Great tip, Shepard. I'm going to use it on a former colleague I just had lunch with last week. We always say "let's stay in better touch" but that often doesn't happen and I only have a vague recollection of the last time I saw them. This is an easy way to make sure it happens.

  27. I use MS Outlook to make a note of people's birthdays and anniversaries. With FB remembering birthdays has become easier (and less special) but people are always surprised when I email them on their anniversary. Once I reminded a couple that had forgotten!

    Every year on my birthday I invite everyone I know (in the city I'm living in) for cocktails. This is a great way to re-connect with acquaintances, many who I only see on that day once a year. If there is a mutual interest or interesting conversation we make plans to see each other more soon, but often just a yearly check in sufficient. Some people keep coming to these events because they know they will meet other interesting people each year.

    I also host two larger parties each other (for 20 people each) for two different groups of friends who may have similar interests. One is a dinner party and one is a brunch. Food is a great way to bring people together. Some people get invited every year and others less consistently.

  28. I have a weekly mission to connect two or three strangers with each other by virtual intorduction. I find someone at a networking event that I would like as a client or that works for a corporation that I would like to do business with. Usually exchange business cards, but the Gift Baskets business is event driven. They take my card and I hope they remember where it is when they need a gift. I work on making them remembr me. I look into my contacts list to find others that would be beneficial for them to meet. I try to include someone that knows my businsess well and will speak highly of my business. This is new for me and so far I have had so much fun, and the appreciation has been amazing. I hope to have some fabulous holiday orders from my new friends. I just finished reading "Never Eat Alone" and although I am an avid networker, you have helped me understand the power in networking and I am excited at all the new ideas. Thank you.

  29. Hi Keith,

    First time visitor to your blog and the tips you share are really insightful. I'd like to start hosting monthly networking events, any recommendations on how do I do so in an affordable manner?

    Thanks.

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